Quite the opposite.

**Phone rings**

Slim: F*ck. Who is this calling me? 516 area code? I don’t even know this number. Eh, I’ll answer it.
Jennifer: Hey Slim. It’s Jenn. Long time no talk.
Slim: Oh sh*t. Hey Jenn. What’s good? Long time no talk indeed. How are you?
Jenn: I’m doing well. **Proceeds to make small talk about her life and all the good things that have happened.
Slim: That’s what’s up. Glad to hear you’re doing well. (I had a feeling this was a closure call.)
Jenn: Thanks. I wanted to ask you something though.
Slim: No doubt. What’s that?
Jenn: Why wasn’t I good enough?

When she said these words, I didn’t know how to respond. I pseudo-coughed to buy myself some time before continuing.

Slim: Whaddaya mean? I’m confused.
Jenn: You said you didn’t want a girl and now you been dating someone for 6 months. I just wanna know what happened.
Slim: Oh wow. That’s an interesting question. You’re really cool peoples. Kinda surprised you’d call me and ask something so direct.

This turned out to be one of most difficult conversations I’ve had in my life. I had dealt with Jenn for about 7 months under the agreement we were just having a good time. I told her upfront that I wasn’t looking for a girl and that I was focused on myself and ensuring that I didn’t commit to something I wasn’t ready for. She accepted it then…or so I thought. Little did I know she just said that in hopes of coming across cool and agreeable.

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Jenn: I thought we had something special. It kinda hurts me to see that you went back on your word and ended up dating someone else.
Slim: …………………………………………………..

Jenn was an amazing woman. She just wasn’t amazing enough for me. We spent a lot of quality time together, but it never went anywhere other than the bedroom. I talked to other chicks and was under the assumption that she talked to other dudes even though I never explicitly asked. For her to call me asking why things didn’t work out made me question if I had been clear enough. I replayed our first conversations and I knew that I conveyed what it was that I felt at the time. I really didn’t wanna date her. She had said some things along the way that turned me off, but I knew we could still kick it and have a good time with minimal repercussions. The words looped as I grasped for the right words to say.

Jenn: I thought we had something special. It kinda hurts me to see that you went back on your word and ended up dating someone else.

Jenn wasn’t right for me in terms of a relationship. I knew it the whole time, but didn’t see a reason to voice it since she understood what we were. She never said anything crazy per say, but I just knew that we weren’t meant to be even though I liked her. Jenn had most of the qualities I wanted in a woman except a crucial couple. She was really judgmental and I had some things going on in my life that I knew I couldn’t share with her and it bothered me enough to make me write her off as a girlfriend. She was in a category she didn’t wanna be in.

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I could tell she was getting emotional. The pain was obvious in the peaks and valleys of the wave that was her voice. I hate making women feel like sh*t. As G as I wanted to be, I still considered her feelings even though we hadn’t spoken in months.

Jenn: I really thought we clicked. We never had an awkward conversation or a dull moment.

She was right, but I just wasn’t completely feeling it. And yet, here I was trying to explain why I had opted out of a potential relationship with her in order to pursue something special with someone else. It was a pretty f*cked up phone call. It’s probably part of the reason that I hate talking on the phone so much. I never know what someone’s gonna hit me with.

It’s a tough pill to swallow for a woman to be head over heels for a man then hear him explain why he isn’t ready, then watch him go off and commit to somebody else. It happens a lot more than we’d like to admit, but it’s a harsh and raw reality. I went on to say something general like everything happens for a reason. I could tell she wasn’t completely satisfied with my answer. And quite honestly, neither was I. In the end, I just told her she said some things along the way that led me to believe we’d have some problems down the road. She probed, but I didn’t go any further.

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The reality is that just because you put in the work doesn’t mean the relationship will follow — especially when the other person told you they’re not trying to go there. Sometimes words do speak louder than action. Be real with yourself and maybe you’ll realize that you might be wasting your time. I did realize something. Unfortunately for her, the realization was that she wasn’t the one. This probably wasn’t the closure she was looking for.

Violins,

P.S. Check out my new personal blog at www.therealslimjackson.com. I’m doing 30 posts in 30 days for the month of May to get my content game up. It’s as real as the name of the site. You might like what you see there.