In our capitalist society, it is amazing that our romantic ideals have remained uninfluenced by our obsession with money. We still believe that love is some emotional, mystical feeling devoid of logic and reason, something you “just feel”. But there are concrete areas of companionship that, if identified and cultivated, can help us improve the compatibility of our partners and the quality of our relationships. That being said, I present to you the business of relationships.
Today and henceforth, we are going to begin looking at our interactions as transactions. Every social and romantic connection in your life is a transfer of energy and resources, not unlike products and services. We trade them among each other in a business arrangement known as a relationship – platonic or romantic. And in today’s love economy, you are only as valuable as the commodities you offer. The market is flooded with men who profess to offer everything under the sun, and you must find your niche in order to gain a competitive advantage. Capitalism dictates that you survive, or someone is going to eat your lunch – and your woman.
In this line of thinking, your job is to deliver high-quality goods and unparalleled services to your target consumer. For this you will need to take a complete inventory of yourself, identifying practical skills that sustain and drive a relationship forward, while making note of areas that can be improved. Stay away from the abstract and the superficial; your goal is to obtain a realistic market value – your Blue Book listing if you will. Now isn’t the time to list your Madden accomplishments, or your closet full of Retro Jordans. You must ask yourself “what impact will I have on a woman’s life, and why should she choose to love me?”
To answer, categorize your skills into the following areas: health practices, domesticity, technological proficiency, work ethic, and connections/network. These are the areas in which you sink or swim in today’s world. And no amount of love will mute the fact that survival often means steaks in the fridge, not backshots in the bubblebath. You need real skills to stay afloat in the 2KTeens.
Be sure to include circumstances that have given you unique advantages. For example, an interesting side effect of the single-mother generation is that men have become more domesticated than ever before, having learned housekeeping skills from moms. Are you a TurboTax wiz due to your five kids and fledgling rap label ‘nonprofit’? Excel exec? Budget Bawse? Should a woman choose to buy into your operation, all of these things can significantly improve your customer’s experience. Itemize them just as you would on your taxes. The more you list, the better perspective you will have of yourself and your business.
You might notice that you only have a certain range of qualities. And that means you will understand that you can only attract a certain type of woman. That’s actually a good thing, because you can now tailor your marketing and advertising to your ideal customer. Stay in your lane; know where you excel and where you lack, and don’t try to be something you’re not in order to attract or hold onto someone who needs a different product for satisfaction. You will only delay the inevitable return, refund or exchange. You’ll be lucky to get friendzoned after that.
Like new college grads, many people think they are worth more than they actually are. Full of confidence and enthusiasm, they forget that they still don’t know how to DO anything, yet. By viewing your interactions as transactions, you begin to see love through the medium of exchange. And with a proper audit, you will learn exactly what you offer, while positioning yourself to win in a market that is flooded, yet lacking at the same time. Once you have ensured that you can fulfill her practical needs, then you can move onto more complex matters, like her emotional requirements.
Happy merging.
About the author: Jontae Grace is a 27 year old, single father of 1 son. His blog, “My $0.02” can be found at http://jontaegrace.com and in the Google Play Store. A graduate of the University of Oregon (Go Ducks!), his literary goal is to empower people to take control of their social and romantic relationships.
Website: http://jontaegrace.com
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What do you think of this “business analysis” – what would you remove or add to the list? Is it possible to quantify a man or woman’s “value”? What do you personally use to determine or quantity your own value and chances for success in the dating market place?
I would say Im realistic when it comes to my ” value” in the dating market. I’m aware that I don’t know everything and that I have a few areas I could grow in. But I have strong skills and qualities ( potential) that people see in me and value. It’s like I’m not quite entry level, but I’m still working my way to the top.
And that's what it's all about: knowing where you are and having the desire to continue to grow and develop. Some people get a few dollars, a Dodge Charger and think they've arrived. But this life is a marathon with several legs, and we have to be diligent in our pursuit of improvement. Thanks for reading!
Good breakdown. I do think that everyone has to take a good look at what they bring to the table and not to ask what they want in a partner what they can't provide themselves. A good book that I am reading to help determine your love economics is "its not complicated" by paul brunson. Great read if you looking to date or improve in your relationships. It really has helped me re-evaluate somethings and meet great people.
Thanks Spidey! We have to get out of our own ways, humble ourselves and resolve to do better everyday. We may not have it all, but growth and maturity is the key, and we have to know where we are to know where we're headed. Thanks for reading!
And I will definitely check out "It's Not Complicated"
Is that Conya Doss in that pic? Thats my girl, looooooooove her music 🙂
I think this "business analysis" is cool and very useful. However, there are a lot of "Christian" bible based folks out here who feel the "love" is just as or more important. Because, according to the bible, love should be Unconditional, and Everlasting. "Whether your a Christian or not, this is just as important as the business side of relationships. Because realistically in life, conditons, situations, circumstances, and people change. So if your love of people is always conditional, its less likely to last. Hence why the general marriage vows are worded as they are, "in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, til death do us part."
I think most people actually desire and seek an Everlasting Love. In order for that to happen, both people must be capable of loving forever, despite tangible things, conditons, situations and circumstances.
Hello Bree, you make several valid points. To be clear, this is just one lens through which we can view love, and relationships. I've found that some people are more practical and less "love is all you need". Although I tend to fall under the latter category, I wanted to develop some type of concrete way for people to measure themselves, and each other. You are certainly correct in your analysis, and I thank you for reading and commenting : )
I do agree that marriage in and of itself is a legally binding contract, which is why you have to apply for a "marriage license" before getting married and also why a judge can marry you in a courthouse.
And to a degree, in some respects, the marriage in and of itself, and the household is most successful when it is run much like a successful business. Especially where finances are concerned. So this aspect of it is pretty important. Thanks for sharing Jontae 🙂
I have been preaching that. Nothing new.
I look at character & integrity to quantify a mans value, how well we connect & how attracted I am to him are also key. Now it doesn't mean he has to look like Idris Elba to be attractive, an average guy can be extremely attractive if he has a cool personality, is humble and caring towards his family & those he loves: That's the kinda thing I like.
I was confused about my relationship with a girl, confused to measure whether I've value to her or she is pretending. That why this post suggested ways I'm desperate to follow. Because following such ways will help me out measure my value to that women. Thanks.
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I think relationship is important for business without relationship you cannot make a good deal.