“Maybe this might sound rude. I’m Taken but I want you.”  Trey Songz – “Cake”

This is certainly a predicament many have been in. The above quote references Trey simply being greedy. That’s why the track is coined “Cake.” Today’s post isn’t about cheating for cheating sake. Today’s post is about my thoughts on our responsibilities in relationships. We can force someone to cheat on us. To say that someone “deserves” that happening to them is harsh. But is it still a true statement? I say let’s see.

For starters, I’d like to say that I believe you can cheat on someone you love. Most of those cases I really feel are in consequence. They’re in consequence of something the other partner was lacking. These could be a myriad of things. The partner could have cheated. The partner could’ve been abusive. The partner simply could’ve been negligent for way too long. The list goes on. But cheating many times can be a consequence to these things. I think it could be analogous to parenting in a way. Many parents who have troubled children might send them to boarding school. They might kick them out of the house. But at some point or another that parent is looking for the opportunity to gain some control back. Of course you love your child. At the same time you’re trying to find a way to stop your hurt.Not all times are those measures the right ones. We make the wrong choices all the time. Life is all about figuring it out.

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We give ourselves a better chance of fidelity by tending to our partners.

We have to hold ourselves accountable. Recognizing we have the potential to push someone to cheat should always have us on our toes. By no means do I think we’ll be perfect. But it’s important to want to be the best version of yourself for someone. If you lose sight of that then your loved one could lose sight of you.

Some people would say that if you have an urge to cheat then you should just leave who you’re with. If this were a utopia then that would always be the case. It’s not and it isn’t always that easy. Take Kirk (pictured above) from Love And Hip Hop  for instance. He’s married to a southern rapper named Rasheeda. Their marriage hasn’t been perfect. Kirk has been pretty absent emotionally from what I’ve watched. He wasn’t supportive during his wife’s pregnancy. He even cheated on his wife during her pregnancy. He cited the fact that she told him to “do him” in her anger. He knew it wasn’t a free pass. But his continued ignorance led him to make his decision. Rasheeda on the other hand never cheated on him despite this. But as far as I can see it, she had all rights to do him dirty. But so much was at stake for her. They built a life together, there’s money and children involved. It probably wasn’t worth it to her in that circumstance.

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The point of writing all of this is to ask how much should one take? Relationships shouldn’t be a constant struggle for power. But when you do anything to make your loved one feel like they’re not engaged with the relationship it hurts. Not only does it hurt but they seek to want to be engaged elsewhere. All the while they’re still in love with their current. One good thing came out of Robin Thicke’s press tour for his latest album. It sure as hell wasn’t the sales. But he did have a poignant quote.

“You don’t build love in a day and you don’t lose love in a day.”

This is a prime reason why it’s possible to cheat on someone you love. Some people do deserve to be cheated on. The people who aren’t attentive. The people who are too proud to be humbled. The abusive, the lazy, those people all deserve it. It behooves us to be the contrary. If we aren’t then cake’s on the menu for our partners; who could blame em?

Have you ever cheated on someone who just had it coming? Ever been cheated on and couldn’t blame your partner? Tell me about it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

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DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS  – Damn He Got A Point” (My Column) on Viral Status