SBM: “Damn … she looks better than a negative on an ex’s paternity test ribs on a Sunday afternoon”
Denise (My Female Friend): “What? Who are you talking about?”
SBM: *while pointing* “Her right there! I mean … look at all that. And you know I rarely am brought to comment on a random chic.”
D: “What?!?!?! You think she looks good?”
SBM: “Are you blind woman?! What about her is not vicious (DC word for “hot”)? Her face is gorgeous, her waistline is nice, her breasts are just … perfect, and I could literally put my cup on her ass her booty is on point.”
D: “SBM … really? I mean look at her shoes!”
SBM: *looks puzzled* “Excuse me?”
D: “Her toes are jacked and her shoes don’t match.”
SBM: “I’m sorry. I’m a man. She has on shoes … I never made it past the ass!”
D: *rolls eyes*
Why is it that every woman I know thinks she can accurately judge the attractiveness of another woman … when they can’t?!?!
I first noticed this phenomenon in college. I was watching the Ms. America pageant with said female friend (don’t hate on watching the Ms. America pageant … that swimsuit competition is the truth) and a black contestant came across the screen. As I commented on this girl’s beauty, I was met with “but look at her weave!” I simply responded with “Huh … she has a weave. Sorry … not only do I not care … but I’m still staring at her breasts.”
Life has taught me a lot of things, in addition to how to seduce a woman, how to ride a motorcycle, and how to wire a car stereo … I also realized you can’t trust women when it comes to judging other women. If you are asking about the cuteness of your friend’s friend and potential victim of the quick beat girlfriend and wife … you will be led astray 75% of the time. Its not even her fault … she just has different “values”.
I will be the first to admit don’t ask me if a guy is cute … I don’t know. And since I am a man who is not attracted to men … I have no business knowing. Now … ugly knows no sex … I can tell an ugly dude. But a non-cute guy from a cute guy … I have no idea. This has been confirmed by several females as I am a horrible judge of an attractive male.
I am glad to announce I have found the source of this discrepancy … we value things differently. Let me break it down …
The Female Weighted System of Judging Attractiveness in Females
Face: 25%
Hair: 11%
Breasts: 3%
Booty: 3%
Legs: 3%
Feet: 10%
Clothes: 20%
Personality: 25%
The Male Weighted System of Judging Attractiveness in Females
Face: 20%
Hair: 5% (She can’t be bald)
Breasts: 27%
Booty: 30%
Legs: 5%
Feet: 3%
Clothes: 10% (Cleavage can mean so much)
Personality: 0%
Now, of course each percentage has a 5% swing, depending on the person. Some really might not mind a bald-headed chic, and Eddie Murphy in Boomerang seems to care a lot about feet … but there are some big things to notice.
Men like … nay love … Breasts and Booty! Women are less impressed by these small signs that God really does love us.
And one thing I will forever be impressed with is women’s inability to judge impartially. So what if that’s your girl for the past 10 years and she pulled you from a burning building while saving you money on your car insurance … she still looks like a horse … sorry.
It’s your boy … SBM … beggin and pleading … stick to what you know. If you like girls, then judge girls, if you like boys, then judge boys. Otherwise your going to set your friend up with some girl who looks like Flava Flav and Oprah’s love child … but some nice ass shoes.
Who out there has already realized this? Who has been burned by this same misguided judgement? Who is going to be the first to step up and claim “uh uh … I’m the exception and I can judge a woman as good as any man!” … so I can tell you to sit your simple ass down.
lol. Women are horrible judges of other women, because often they're judging from a negative point of view.. a.k.a "every other woman is competition", so they're definitely going to point out those flaws.. whatever they may be.
"So what if that’s your girl for the past 10 years and she pulled you from a burning building while saving you money on your car insurance … she still looks like a horse … sorry" -LMAO, you are sick but correct.
If a guy friend wants to be set up, I give him the real stats. I grew up with brothers & guys, so I get it and Miss A is correct about the way we judge women. I have also been on the receiving end of "hey girl, I got someone who would be great for you. He is so fine, etc.." Oh yea? Why didn't you tell me that "fine" means something different to you (and maybe every other woman on this planet). Different Strokes. Your percentages are alright (0% personality? c'mon) but we all know that some guys, (boomerang ex.) would change those stats around quite a bit.
I would have to agree w/ Janedoh, everybody's interpretation of fine/cute is different, so for me to try and hook a male friend with one of my girls would be out the question. I alsways get asked "you got any cute friends," most of the time I just shrug it off with "idk" and tell them to be the judge of that.
Str8 up i think they no better there just somewhere off laughing while you try to end the blind date as quickly as possible
0% for personality? That surprises me…I would've expected at LEAST 5%.
I think you over weighted breasts based on your personal affinity for them.
LOL… Men are so simple.
@Britt: I would actually increase breasts to 30%…cant help it, "I'm just a ni%%a that loves titties" © Dave Chapelle
This post was so on point.
Whoops I meant @Bam.
Funny, I was having a conversation just yesterday with one of my female friends and she tried to convince me that Keri Hilson wasn't cute. lol. I just called her a hater and kept it pushing.
LMAO..I think those precentages vary from man to man… truly…. and one thing I noticed along time ago is dudes really don't care if a brawd is a bama ass brawd = lame, at least not right away if he wants to hit……her lameness over time will not go undetected tho by most cool dudes and will ultimately cut short the smashing LOL…….
When a guy asks me if a female is cute or not, i TRY to speak from a male's point of view. I'm not gonna say she's not cute because of her shoes. I might say she's cute but look at her shoes.
Whenever I ask a guy if his friend is cute it's always the same 'ol, "I don't know, I don't judge dudes." So my next question is always, "Does he talk to cute girls or ugly ones?" If the girls he talks to are ugly then chances are he's not that cute himself.
truest thing ever. funny thing to watch is when a woman cant find nothing physically wrong with her they say sumthin like " i bet she a ho" or "she walk funny" or sumthin like that
sad face @ the fact that booty and breasts outweigh the face on the system
Well, I would have a scale for guys, but they don't walk around with their d**ks out, so there goes 50% of the points right there.
It's so unfair you get to see 57% of the package upfront (according to your breast & booty %
I actually think I'm good at this! I'm a woman, but I can compliment a bad chick…I do it all the time. I will also point out when a sub par chick is getting play only because of her ass or tits. I do place most of my percentage on the face…..and overall shape. Personality not so much when just spotting randoms off the street or in pictures, but if I know the person I guess it counts. Hair and clothes can be corrected. I've seen cute pretty girls that had busted weaves and cheap ill fitting clothes. but with good friends they can be upgraded and look like stunnas….its that simple. LOL
I think it's just socially accepted for other women to comment on other women's attractiveness more so than men to comment on other men's attractiveness. Now women DO have boundaries. Why — unless we're attracted to chicks — would we base how attractive they are on sexually-charged features (i.e. buns and boobies).
We choose things like shoes, clothes, and hair because those are things we usually value for ourselves. We like to keep these things up so we look and feel good, and attribute attractiveness to those things being on point.
Okay, question for the fellas…what if a chick had Flav Flav Face with a bangin' booty and boobies you can motorboat? Does she have a shot*?
*Those that are slightly attracted to Flav (if you exist) need not answer…that's unfair.
Mkay but really though? A gurl can be nice in the body area and even un-cameled in the face. But how can you look at her head and see nattiness and tracks and still be like "She's a dime"? The whole pocahontas in the back, Florida Evans in the front thing dont bring down her property value at all??? I dont understand.
"Okay, question for the fellas…what if a chick had Flav Flav Face with a bangin’ booty and boobies you can motorboat? Does she have a shot*?"
How much have I had to drink? Her chances at successfully getting knocked off is directly proportional to the level of my alcohol consumption for the night.
Im exaggerating a little. The face is important to me.
Funny. I am a horrible judge of a woman's attractiveness b/c I do base it on personality, intelligence, etc. If she has a nice body but I can't stand her, you really don't want me to describe her. The most she'll get is "I mean…she'll do." However, I do recognize attractiveness in random women, but I do agree with Cheekie's points about shoes, clothes, & hair. I will notice those things.
Legs = 5%? News to me.
I do not even pretend to try to rationalize why men like certain women. I do know that black men are pretty simple though. So if they are looking to be put down, they generally want that friend that is light skinned with long hair and ample curves, or any combination of two of the three, whichever are most important to him.
Also a safe bet is always, "Put me down with (insert name here)". I am happy to oblige. LOL!
"Legs = 5%? News to me."
Oh, yeah, forgot to comment on this. That's WAY lower than I though. I didn't expect legs to trump breasts/booty, but wow. Ain't this a huge part of the reason ya'll be drooling for spring/summer to come?
Maybe I'm biased, but I think I'm a fair rater of other women. I have no problem complimenting a beautiful woman, cause I dont feel any competition with them.
When it comes to rating men, I have learned that what is attractive to me is not attractive to a lot of my friends, and vice versa. I tend to just give descriptions and leave out the "he's cute/fine/ugly/whatever".
I've recently discovered that one of my friends is ugly.
Key to this evaluation, is that men are purely judging physical attractiveness when they are judging physical attractiveness. This translates to how they view other men: ugly or non-ugly. Women often incorporate "future" when they judge physical attractiveness in men. We look at how men carry themselves which can (often deceptively) translate to ability to provide. We don't do it on purpose- its genetic (read a study/saw it on the news). Our initial attraction incorporates "perception" into reality (men can separate the two) which is why we misjudge women.
My friend is the sweetest lady ever. She'll give me the shirt off her back, and has. I thought she was pretty, because she is such a beautiful person. I brought her for a double date and learned from my guy friends that "she still looks like a horse."
I think I'm pretty good at judging women. End Scene.
There was this time, my cousin hooked me up with a guy who she claimed looked like Treach (Naughty by Nature).. Imagine my surprise when he ended up looking like Magilla the Gorilla.
I think it just depends on the person.
"I brought her for a double date and learned from my guy friends that 'she still looks like a horse.'"
Damn.
Your precentages with the five-percent fudge factor is pretty much on point. I may be in a minority here, but I think the percentages change depending on the race of the woman. Black women can have smaller breasts if they have a larger a$$. White women can have a smaller a$$ if they have larger breasts and nice legs.
It's true that women have difficulties in determining the attractiveness of other women. If a woman says her friend is "cute", run as fast as you can. Women adjust the attract-o-meter up for their friends, and down for extremely attractive women or celebrities they do not like.
"I will be the first to admit don’t ask me if a guy is cute"
I'm no connoisseur of men either, and have no desire to be. On various blogs I've seen women make comments about Idris Elba, and I had no idea who he was. After the 57th reference to him, I figured I'd do a Google image search out of curiosity. I saw his pic and I thought this is the dude they're talking about? I thought he was average at best, but like I said, I guess I'm the wrong person to ask about an attractive man.
I'm starting to think the Breast and Booty category should be one pool of like 50%. Some people are all ass men, some are all breasts, and some just straddle.
Lol…SBM you are a FOOL!!
Raqi that all sounds good but um no, not all women fall under that!
When looking at a man..I not looking back to the future I"m saying dayum he's phcukable or mmmpphhh I can't do anyting with that LOL
I also know within a few minutes if they are cool or bamas……
Its not hard to assess another womans attractiveness either or else women would NOT get so shook when certain other women come on the scene 😉
I have also seen studies where women find certain physical traits in men more attractive than others, like the dudes with an extra shot of testosterone= broader shoulders, stronger jawline etc etc
"It’s true that women have difficulties in determining the attractiveness of other women. If a woman says her friend is “cute”, run as fast as you can."
Red Flag on CUTE! That means you get the leftover cuddly broad!
I think I do ok with the judging. I can seperate personality from body (Kim Kardashian is BAD … BAD) but at the same time I am more critical of a woman that I think a man is. I can see a flaw that a man ignores because he's smitten with something else about her. For example, was looking at a biker magazine and there was a topless woman in it. My male friend was DROOLING and I screwed up my face and asked "why are her t*ts lopsided?" He didn't even notice. Bad boob job? I'm going to deduct that from her pretty.
I think I agree about combining the breast and booby categories. I'd probably give it more like 65 – 70% tho.
FTW "This, ladies and gentleman, is why books should not cultivate our relationships just like they shouldn’t raise our kids."
Excellent Post Peoples
lmao. i really love your blog.
i was just having this discussion with a guy friend the other day. i told him this chick was cute and he said 'well you're a bad judge of women, so i have to see for myself.'
and thus the arguing began. lmao.
good post.
As a woman, I know that I am not a good judge on women I will look at a woman's style and say she is not on point. Please don't have a jacked weave either, thats a negative 20 points (on a 100 point scale)
I'll leave that judgement to the fellas.
My guy showed me 7 pics of ex's…of those 7…6 of them were ugly as hell to me. However, one thing was prevelant…those chicks had ridiculous booty.
…I understand that part, fa serious!
But…seriously…
He couldn't have just had those chicks come over late at night? He actually walked around in public with those bottom of the barrell chicks!!!
…All in the eye of the beholder I guess.