*** Admin Note ***
We’re going to start the guest posts with a personal blogging friend of mine.  She’ll introduce herself, and remember I really want to know what people think.  You can be mean … she’ll be aight.  Bring a woman to the site on the regular is a big step … shaking just thinking about it.
– SBM
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hey everyone! this is the lovely ladebelle! as someone who’s newly single, i thought that writing for my dear friend SBM would be a wonderful opportunity! some of you may know me as the original and founding ranting wild child of rants of a wild child. i’ll never stop ranting but now you can find me unlocking the secrets of myself at aaronica unlocked. i hope you enjoy!

i was having a conversation with my friend dres about the topic of whether or not i should get boo-ed up and he broke down his theory in such a way that i could understand it.

so with that, i give you my adapted version of “dres’s theory of personal employees”:

seasonal/temps:

i suppose in non-business terms this would be considered the “cut buddy” or the “friend with benefits”. essentially, this person is hired for the sole purpose of pleasure. but not like the i’m-gonna-knock-your-socks-off type of pleasure more like the bare minimum that it takes to get off. so this means no oral, none of the freaky stuff, just 2 pumps and a bump.

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so yes, this means save all the tricks like riding to the italian hanger, to reverse cowgirl and all the things that superhead taught you through “home” videos. for women, this may mean that you don’t even mount him. missionary all the way. and then BAM, it’s done. afterwards, you thank him and send him on his way. so of course this means none of the cuddling, pillow chat, or any of the other things.

if you guys happen to be seen together, he doesn’t get an introduction and if he does, it’s as whatever his name is. no titles like friend, person i’m screwing seeing, or any other remotely appropriate titles. and if asked about later, he is just no one important.

the difference between seasonal and temps are seasonal are just that. for a season. spring comes and goes and so do they. temps on the other hand can be called upon regardless. just broke up with your man? call your temp. in between seasons? call your temp. bored with a part-timer? call your temp.

part-time employee:

the part-time employee has more job responsibilities then the seasonal/temps. and rightfully so because they are able to access more benefits then the seasonal/temps. in non-business speak, this would be most closely related to dating. with this position there are a couple of stipulations:

  1. no getting busy for 90 days
  2. there must be a phone interview, a first interview, and a follow up interview following the application
  3. if the part-time employee puts in for a promotion, you either have to be ready to promote him or fire him on the spot… no exceptions
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within the job description of the part-time employee, dates and other things tend to occur. especially before the 90 days. after the 90 days, dates continue in addition to getting busy. the difference here is that there may be more then one session as he will not be immediately kicked out following the first session. in addition to not having the door closed behind him post “nut”, there may be some possible position changes and even kissing here. nothing too romantic or anything but there is more to it then the 2 pumps and a bump.

now if you’re seen with your part-time employee, they get introduced  they not only get their name shared, but they have the title of friend. when asked who they are later, they are normally described as “someone i’m seeing” versus the “no one important”. it’s still too early for titles outside of friends. now, this is where things can get tricky. the part-time employee should think that they are the only part-time employees. should you employ other part-time employees, they should not know about each other.

full-time employee:

essentially, this is your man. but for the sake of, well i don’t know what it’s the sake for, but i’ll write out a description of the said obvious. by the time you employ someone full-time, the seasonal/temp and even the part-timer is no longer needed. why? because your full-time employee is now waxing that <ahem>, giving you great conversation, and is taking you out for nights on the town.

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now, ideally, the part-time employee will be promoted into this position but in the even that that doesn’t happen, the stipulations that applied to the part-time employee apply here as well.

conclusion

now that we’ve gone over the levels of employment for your personal business, what types of employees do you guys employ? if you aren’t currently employing anyone, what type of position are you currently interviewing for? talk to me!

xoxo
ladebelle