If your a woman … calm down … go be mad at Chris Rock.

Men … you know exactly what the eff I’m talking about.

There is a lot of talk about why women are single, and the problem with black women … and blah blah blah.  Rather than beat a dead horse and focus on problems of black women … I’m going to focus on what we men want.

Men are simple creatures.  Our wants are simple, we go after them directly, and once we get them … we are happy.  And while there are a million and one things that influence our decisions of who we marry, who is a jump off vs. the wifey, and are we going to cheat … at our core we really are simple creatures.

“Feed me, Eff me, and then shut the eff up” – Chris Rock

Let us explore three things that put a smile on every man’s face.

Food

Every person alive knows the importance of a good meal.  And you we all know that a home cook meal touches you in a place deep in your soul that just … it just makes you feel good.  When a guy is in a relationship or is dating a girl and putting her through the “would she make a good wife” hazing process … something that always wins big … always makes him feel good about this woman … always earns her point … deep throating and sawollowing a good home cooked meal from their woman.  Not only do we finally get that she’s not a selfish b* “she really does care about this” feeling … but we also know that she will be able to provide for us, our stomachs, and our kids.

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S*x

Men need s*x (by s*x … I mean any type of release of bodily fluids aided by a woman).  If we don’t have it, it builds up inside or our bodies, starts to ooze out of our ears, and diminishes brain function (don’t question it … its true!).  The amount of release (hourly, daily, weekly) and the type of release depends on the man (deep strokes, good brain, rub & tug) … but something is needed by us all.  As soon as women start to understand this … divorce rate will finally drop and life for everybody will get better.  And after that home cooked fried chicken and yams meal we just had … gotta burn off them calories.  Running aint gonna cut it.

Silence

Silence.  Whether is is us and our Xbox’s, on the couch watching the game, or just silence from your voice as they chill with the boys … we need silence.  And although this is the easiest thing to provide, its something that seems to be the hardest to find as a man.  We go away in search of silence … we’re asked “Where are you going?”  We simply get quiet hoping to induce silence … we’re asked “Why aren’t you talking?”  We get straightforward and ask for silence … bad idea “WTF you mean you want me to be quiet! You need to go get you one of them silent submissive b*thes!”  *sigh*

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Three things to make a man happy.  Girls just wanna have fun … we just need chicken, p*ssy, and some quiet.

Is there any man that doesn’t want these things?  Is there some anomaly out there who wants to be hungry with blue balls with noise in his ear? Women, have you ever met a man unsatisfied with these three things?

SBM aka Fed, Satisfied, and Relaxed