**** Admin Note ****
Don’t forget to cop your official SBM t-shirt and merchandise. Head on over to http://singleblackmale.spreadshirt.com/ and cop you one.
Then go and nominate us for a Black Weblog Awards (right side of the site).
– SBM
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I own a motorcycle.
Many of you might know this already, its is no secret. I’m not just bragging that I look hot on a bike … I’m going somewhere with this. Trust me for a second.
At the time, I had been riding for a few years with my first bike. I had all the basics and a few of the advanced moves down. I had learned a lot about my bike. I knew how she felt when I turned her on. I knew how she would react if I yanked her to the side. I knew how she felt about me on top. I knew a lot about Shay (yes … I name all my bikes). But at some point it was time for me to move on. I needed a new love.
I went to craigslist and in a few short weeks, by neon blue new love was in my garage. I was happy to have Lisa Marie, and while I loved Shay because she was my first, I was ready for my new love.
I got on top and turned her on … but I was soon surprised.
Starting out, things were just awkward. She didn’t do what Shay did. She was great, and getting on top and turning her on was still satisfying … but we didn’t know each other. We were discovering each other’s bodies and learning how to work together.
“What the f*ck does this have to with relationships, dating, or all the other stuff ya’ll n****s be talking about?!?!?” you ask. Well … if my sexual innuendo didn’t give it away … I’m really talking about f***ing.
SBM’s Typical S*xual Timeline for the average FwB or SO situation (Jump Off’s don’t count)
- First S*xual Encounter: 4 times out of 5 … it’s not that great. There are some superstars out there that can always deliver a star performance, but those are rarities. You don’t know her body and she doesn’t know yours. Do you shimmy, or sham? Do you grab hair, or smack a cheek? They into some offbrand choking sh*?
- Third S*xual Encounter: Ok, so now you know that she squeals when you do something she likes. You also know that she arches her back right before she finishes, but you haven’t tried anything crazy yet. Does she prefer fast or slow? Can you start calling her out her name in heated passion?
- Twelth S*xual Encounter: How did things get so much better so quick? She has realized the parts of your body that are off limits, and figured out your “I’m about to llleeeeettttt gooooooo” face and knows how to act accordingly. It feels good, and you like her … but still a lot more to figure out.
- Thirty Fifth S*xual Encounter: It’s not just s*x anymore. You’re actually making love. You care about her pleasure and enjoyment and she is truly dedicated to yours. It is now that passionate stuff that you saw in “Love and Basketball”. You know she she is about to reach her “Oh My”, and you know how to prevent it … leaving her in limbo between regular getting it and ultimate ecstasy … keeping her in a perpetual state of pleasure until you decide to finish her. Uh yeah … sh*t is good now.
**** disclaimer ****
This does not apply to selfish bastards (a bastard can be male or female). If the other person is incapable of thinking about others and attempting to value their pleasure, then you won’t reach the 4th level (although the 3rd ain’t too bad).
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Basically … it pays to stick with the same p***y. Sure, you can run around sampling from a smorgasbord of women, tasting a little bit of the many different shapes and sizes that are out there … but it still won’t be as good. Figuring out the intricacies of another person is rewarding and I personally think is the only way to reach s*xual nirvana … or maybe I’m just soft n sh*.
Does everyone see this significant improvement with time? Has everyone experience the improved enjoyment of learning another person’s body? Is it just me?
– SBM aka “Girl … just gimme like 5 more chances … I promise” aka Oh wow SBM … WOW
'Twelth S*xual Encounter: How did things get so much better so quick? She has realized the parts of your body that are off limits, and figured out your “I’m about to llleeeeettttt gooooooo” face and knows how to act accordingly. It feels good, and you like her … but still a lot more to figure out. '
Hmmm gonna approach this with a #differentanalogy…i played the flute and piano as a kid…i get that unless you're a musical genius you can never capture the rhythmic overtures let alone the heart of what the composer laid down on a music sheet that’s new to you….so i learnt early that the practice makes perfect…but encounters of your 12th kind need to be my 5th or 6th (or sometime soon after) cos i'd already be bored by the act…it's not a freak issue…but i need to understand we both have an ear for what’s going on…if you came in late and played the wrong key on the keyboard last time I don’t expect you to be flat today…& vice versa… if my woodwind didn’t quite give that high yesterday I’m gonna try to be pitch perfect today…it’s important for me that we’re picking up on the rhythms of each other’s bodies…and if we’re not imma turn conductor on his a$$ and tell him you did it wrong…u need to stroke my strings like this!!!
i really dont care if we dont get to the making love part #sweetmusic until 50th encounter…that serious emotions for me…
Cosign this!!
Mmm what can I say other than agree with you… but for me when testing the waters I'll give subtle hints of the things I like to have done to me… I'll tell you harder or faster or deeper and you better take damn good notes cuz you'll immediately know that if you hit it right in all of the right places and dominate me and learn my body you'll have me melting in your mouth and not in your hands #mms youll also know that Im a sadistic individual and like to be dominated… once youre able to do that the love making is more than amazing cuz theyll know how to satisfy fully…
Right on the money. I think by the twelfth encounter it should be as close to perfect as possible, all inhibitions should be gone by then. great post
Uuum, welcome!
*You're killing me with that name.
This is the best reasoning for staying with one person I've heard yet- works for both the good folks and the scruple-less.
I also find it to be true… Why waste time (and numbers) for someone who doesn't get you in bed?
How bout you try a little….makin' out. I think one of the reasons a lot of "first encounters" go wrong is because we stopped taking the time to explore things other than folks insides. When the Man and I got together, we kept things steamy but not "all the way" for a while. Not only did it make us anticipate the act more, it's like we started off on level 7 instead of level 1.
There's just something about the touch of a person who really cares about you….wouldn't trade it for Lex Steele or Mr. Marcus. mmmm-mmmm, good!
kissing is a dying art.
Big Watermelon-Eating Ninja Lips = the 3rd best part about dating blake women.
Love Tongue Rings. Love French kisses. Love to make it personal: like beating it up well, looking st8 at shorty's face in bliss than planting one on her making it even harder for her to breathe.
I agree. Folks don't make out anymore. They try to go straight for the goods. Heavy petting can get you far lol.
Yeeees SBM (lol)! I was thinking the exact same thing while making love to my bf a couple days ago. The sex is perfect…but it's taken a long time to develop what we have and perform the way we do. Having the same partner provides consistency and extreme and total comfort, which allows one to be really open to experiment. Growing with someone mentally, emotionally, sexually…it doesn't get better than that.
Well..its a little warm in here (excuse me while I fan myself) lol.
I agree, I think. I don't know after awhile sex with the same person over years gets a little routine & boring…but, that is why you have to be with someone who is willing to experiment and think a little bit outside of the box. I'm in my experimental phase of my life..lets go craazy! lol.
I would agree with your first encounter theory,..but I had the most incredible one night stand experience with this guy years ago..I was going thru my divorce. I hadn't had sex in about two years..we met at the club…he was latino (first time with)..we conversed thru the night…met up with him later…went to his place & had mind blowing s*x…he was all over me. I was all over him….no inhibitions and passionate. Second time, dudsville. We didn't even get started.
Sex with my ex-husband was okay..it wasn't great. If it happened at all..sometimes we would go months without having sex…marriages dirty little secret…sex decreases..believe it! There are studies..it just does. don't shoot the messenger! lol.
Good post…very good *wink*
o man. Your husband would be so tight if he read this. Maybe I'm projecting, but you are laying out the worse case senario for an ex:
1)you are flat out saying that this guy is better.. way better
2)the guy was another race, which means the ex let down Obama with his pipe game
3)you gave it up the first night. Which is not the worse thing in the world, but would hurt your ex's feelings. Its like a double edge sword: he is better with the pipe game and the mind game.
You don't think the two years had anything to do with it? After two years I bet if you wore the wrong set of pants you were primed to blow.
Cheekz..let me clarify. My ex and I used to have great sex in the early days…but, after the kids it kinda dwindled down. I am not saying it was all his fault. I take some blame for that too….
I am not worrying about hurting my ex's feelings..this is mere child plays against the pain he has inflicted upon me in the past…but, I'm just keeping it real. My ex was kinda conservative in the bedroom..not saying that that is bad..but, he wasn't adventurous….and so I in turn I wasn't either..when I got with someone who was like..lets try this, lets do that…turn around, put your leg up there…lol..I really came out of my shell…but, I am not putting full blame on my ex…the sex wasn't great..that is all. I am sure he would agree on this point, too…..
..and yes the two years most certainly had EVERYTHING to do with it..lol. yes, indeed.
yeah. I knew you weren't coming at your ex like that.
But like I said, I was projecting and putting myself in the ex's shoes having been that guy once before after a bad break up.
just my own insecurities coming out.
Sex with my ex-husband was okay..it wasn’t great. If it happened at all..sometimes we would go months without having sex…marriages dirty little secret…sex decreases..believe it! There are studies..it just does. don’t shoot the messenger! lol.
@QueenT
Happy Monday!!
I co-sign on the blase blase sex sessions in marriage over time, and the decreasing of the activity……. but you lost me on the going MONTHS without ANY!!???? *HUH*
GirlSixx, I can confirm that this atrocity does happen in some (probably more than half) marriages. Of course, if you have a good marriage (shoutout to Most) then it probably won't.
@Sane, YES!
@Girlsixx…back at ya! LOL.
@SaneN85.. but MONTHS without… hmmmm, there's some extracurricular sextivity goin on somewhere. *imjustsayin*
Cynical/Inquisitive/Side-eye Throwing Scorpio Here *shrug*
GirlSixx, yes. Yes there was.
Oh, yes..I think I've mentioned before that my ex husband had a side piece….there were definitely activities going on with him….I wasn't doin a dayum thang tho.
I have to say your right on the money about the first sexual encounter part. I have never had sex on the first try and it was the bomb now after the 5th or 6th try than yeah couldnt get engough great to see it wasnt just me whew!
I agree with this list. But as always I disagree too.
I think that there are a set of moves or strategies that will generally work. No they wont get to the promise land with every person but generally they work. I think we should become versed in those strategies. I'm not sure that I am explaing this well but here's a football analogy. For instance, the post/slant combination route generally destorys the Cover 2 package. That's something that every coach knows and has in their playbook. Against some teams you can stay with this route combo all day, against others it will work but not as well. We all need to figure out what the post/slant combination is
isn't it obvious?
forced @n@l
THEY LOVE IT! Even when they yell and kick or threaten to call the cops if you won't stop. Deep down inside they want it. Ask Kobe.
Right ladies?!!??
Tell us how you love it!!
Go ahead?
I'm waiting.
right?
anybody?
Forced @n@l? Really? Yeah no. At least I knock it completely.
Yeah there might be some females out there that love to get packed but there are also others that don't.
The ex tried that… was not a good look when I turned around grabbed his love sack and squeezed it hard with long nails until he turned purple with pain… I had warned him and told him no several times, he didn't believe me, that's what he got.
Guys why the infatuation with the exit hole? You know painful that is? How would you like to get it up the booty forcefully? Yeah wouldnt like it. Lol
Your corner seat is waiting. And there's a surprise in it that you'll experience as soon as you sit yo azz down.
Forced @n@l my azz, lol.
forced anything is rape. that is all.
Reecie,
as I was typing that reply there were head things that went thru my head:
A)Teflon is going to make me sit in the corner again
B)I am the only person immature enough to find a rape joke funny.
C) If 2pac could get out on bail for it… why not me?
@cheekz, kobe too, don't forget him.
I'm with Peyso on this one (still singing "Why Can't We Be Friends" over here).
I do think men would have a harder time with those basic moves working on the first time, since every woman is so drastically different.
Peyso: "I think that there are a set of moves or strategies that will generally work. No they wont get to the promise land with every person but generally they work."
The problem is many men haven't perfected those basic moves and strategies.
Hugh,
I kind of hate to ask how you know that….LOL!!!!
Lip Gloss: "I kind of hate to ask how you know that….LOL!!!!"
The way women act as if I'm the Greek god of 0rgasm and tell me what their previous partners didn't or couldn't do. It makes me wonder what are these incompetent reggins doing. If a man cares and is paying attention, it ain't too difficult to figure y'all out.
can we reverse the question and ask is there a set rule for guys?
no two units are the same (pause). But generally speaking is there a jerk that always works? ladies or homosexual males? no homo
Forced @n@l?
LMAO…you my dude cuz…but you've just ruined any chances of us ever being positive character witnesses for you.
I can't co-sign despite the fact that I do agree.
While I think your numbers are only slightly off, I do think you are right in saying that every lady is different and its quite easy to master one's body and play off known reactions. Musical instruments are a great example that Shubby used. I always perfered to call naked women works of art, so even Alex Ross isn't as nice with a new paint brush. Until he discovers how to best apply his stroke (see what I did there).
However, I know I get a seperate kind of rush from discovering a new piece of art. We all know the phrase "aint no pu.. like new pus." Sure its not technically the best b/c people are shy, ladies don't want to play their hand (holding back on headie poo 🙁 ), and you can't get your timing, plus often times we are gentlemen get surprised by the joys of the atmosphere and the events end to quickly. I said sometimes. But that only goes to show how wrap up you get in taking down a new one.
Headie poo? Really? And the frowny face just kilt me with that. How is it that you have head sounding adorable and ish?
I'm with Cheekz (but not on the forced @n@l). I definitely see the appeal of familiar old-time love as Toni Morrison would put it, but there is a definite hotness associated with discovering new peen that is incomparable.
I compare it to shoes – with older pairs they're still hot and they still make your heart sing every time you look at them but they're broken in and therefore comfortable and that's a beautiful thing….but it's just not the same as that gut-wrenching, heart-stopping feeling of wearing a hot new pair for the first time…even though your feet are burning you.
. Co sign. there is technical love making than there is a feeling that you get.
while an old lover can surely master the technical… they may struggle with capturing the feeling of surprise, fear, and uncertainty that comes from a new lover.
remember.. its all about feeling dirty and a new person brings that threat.
good analogy.
think this is the best analogy yet…completely co-sign…
I haven't read the post yet, I'd just like to say that I'm mad that you added a white tee three days after I already paid S&H on my order. Now that's a #swindle.
Supply and deman Sane. Supply.And.DEMAND!
Why you yellin at me Streetz?
I;m not yellin. This is HOW I TYPE! Aint you see my BLOGS?!!
All I see when I read this is Link talking normally and then yelling some random words outta frustration looking like he has tourette's. Oddly enough, I'm seeing this as Navi.
Sane, Streetz has been drinking Samuel Jackson beer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtdFRHQwF2I
(for those at work, there's some potty language)
@sane…i'd be pi$$ed 2…the white 'swindle' tee is fab… gonna pick mine up now! hahaha
d@mn delivery to uk is costing me more than the Tee itself…but yup i got me my #swindle in white and gold #iswag 🙂
Now u knwo how we feel when we want somethin in the UK and it costs Euros or Pounds n sh*
I agree also, but the anal thing…NOT. Besides, it makes me wonder if he'll go anal on men, animals, etc…. Sorry, but it does take my mind there.
men: no
animals: what kind?
corner: now!
rotflmao…nice one teflon
right. lol
LOL!!!! You're so silly!
great post. i do agree with you. the more and more you have sex with a person, the more you know their body and ultimately the better the sex will become.
first time sex isn't 4 out 5 times it will be not that great. i think that number is too high. more like 2.5 out of 5. i think it's give or take. the anticipation it's self of having sex with someone new for the first time is worth not so great sex sometimes. i can only think of a few times where first time sex just wasn't that great.
the flip side to having sex a whole lot with the same person is the loss of the newness. not to say that this is a bad thing but part of the fun of sex is finding out new things about each other and exploring each other's bodies. *shrug*
@ CheeKZMoney
Big Watermelon-Eating Ninja Lips = the 3rd best part about dating blake women.
*lmao*
No…….you did not just say that.. BUT THANKS, I think???.. *smhl*
I agree, to an extent. Yes, first time sex can be awkward. But, this is why people should bring back the good makeout sessions and honest conversations about sex. The best sex I've had was first time sex, and it was mainly because we talked about what we liked, we had phone sex, and we made out a lot before the actual act. People want to dive head first (pause) into sex, completely jumping over some important steps in the sexual aspects of the relationship. Just my $.02.
Here's the thing: Men nowadays need to step their sex games up. Hitting a home run is the ultimate goal, but you have to have a great swing, excellent controls of speed around the bases, the intelligence to know when to steal a base and how to properly read the signals you're given. Scoring is more than crossing home plate. If you try to hit a home run every time you're up to bat your precentages will suffer, so you need to swing for accuracy, work on hand-eye cooridination, and you'll ultimately lead the league in RBI's/
Translation: Foreplay. Read the womans body like a book. Make it an experience. Free your mind. Follow this and sex will be amazing or at the very least, damn good.
One
TRUTH!!
Foreplay is the difference b/t awesome and "Awe, this ish sucks".
That first paragraph was totally unnecessary..lol…but foreplay is key, that is a known fact.
LMFAO. #ThatIsAll… for this line.
Okay. So I'm soo with you until the making love part. I'm fine with repeats of phase 3 with the FwB.
And @Queen MONTHS without ANY!?! *faints*
I co-sign with anything that was said about foreplay. 1st times are only awkward if you mess up the first 5 minutes of it, where you'd insert foreplay
not your pen!s. Kisses alone will stir me up and have you ready to swim… O_O. If you touch her/him the right way and pay attention to what they like, how can anything go wrong? And spontaneity is AMAZING btw. I like to surprise myself and him…Oh & I heard from someone that kids ruin s*x. And I kinda like s*x (the least kinda emphasis on "kinda" I LOVE that sh*t!) I'd love my kids but someone is babysitting whenever I'm ready to get my back bent in and out of shape. 🙂
I swear by this: I have some very nice, perky, 36 D cup breast. There's been only ONE man who has known how to suck them to the point that I could actually feel the effects down at the Y. GOD I HATE I BROKE UP WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Glad my present man doesn't know about this blog* LOL!!!!