You were expecting a pic of Moses weren't you? How cliche of you...
Earlier this week a friend forwarded me an email. I normally ignore forwarded emails, because despite the number of threats from chain letters on my life, my friends life, my love life, and/or other, to the best of my knowledge, none have suffered as a direct result of ignoring a chain letter. However, the title of this email, The Man Rules, drew me in. Inside that email I unearthed an extensive list of “man rules.” I laughed, I cried, I screamed “I know, right?!” to no one in particular. I took the liberty of narrowing this list down to the 10 most critical items. I present to you for ratification The 10 #ManLaw Commandments.
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
2. Crying is blackmail.
3. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
4. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
5. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
6. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
7. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. So, if you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
8. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
9. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, do it yourself.
10. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Unfortunately, after reviewing this logical, flawless, all encompassing list, my friend and I were confronted by a mutual friend of the opposite sex. A heated debate about the merits of the commandments began and eventually the following exchange occurred.
She said: *sigh* I do not care to go to great lengths to explain the obvious to you…… idio…I mean…“Men.” LMAO! But I will say this…
We as women do not do JUST the minimum for anything. We go above and beyond for many things in life, especially for our men. We do this to show that we care!
So, if we are having a bad day, and you ask ONE half hearted “Is something wrong?” MAAAAYYYBEEE we would like you to show a little more concern and ask again, just for a little reassurance that you reaaaaallllyyy care and want to know what we are upset about. We don’t want to tell you if we think that you don’t want to know. Geez… I didn’t think repeating a question is so much to ask, especially not for the person that does so much for you.
He said: *sigh* …..there is no such thing as OBVIOUS when it comes to women.
AAAACTUALLY, asking for someone to repeat a question that you are more than capable of answering the first time is A LOT to ask. It doesn’t make sense! Now, if the woman didn’t hear the question, “Is something wrong?” that is understandable. But to refuse to answer the question honestly… “No, im not ok,” or….“yes, Im fine” creates unnecessary tension and future rhetoric (that weeeeeeee do not feel like engaging in) that could have been avoided. Again, when asked the question, “is something wrong?” why would someone say nothing is wrong when something iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis wrong? …………………………………you know what……………………………that’s lying.
And with that SingleBlackMale.org readers, the lines were clearly drawn. It was with a heavy heart that I realized this seemingly perfect list was flawed for it did not resonate joyously within the souls of women the same way it had in that of my fellow man. Then it occurred to me, can such a list ever exist?
In all seriousness, I have recently been confronted for not challenging men enough. I respect this constructive criticism and have taken it into account. Today, however, I challenge you to come up with a list you believe both men and/or women can and should abide by in order to have a successful relationship in an age where Modern Men Are Too Lazy to Court and Chivalry is Dead. If you are on Twitter, hashtag your responses with #ManLaw or #WomanLaw and SingleBlackMale staff will share the best submissions.
The true test is to see if anyone can honestly develop The 10 #ManLaw or #WomanLaw Commandments that both men and women can come to a consensus on. I believe this social experiment will illustrate how differently men and women view what determines a successful relationship and why there is so much contention on relationship blogs and within relationships in general. Selfishly, it should also help me come up with a slieu of follow-up blogs. For clarification, a consensus is not necessarily an agreement, it is a decision-making process that seeks the compromise and consent of a majority of participants. In closing, you are showing us what standards men and women hold themselves and their significant other to.
We will judge comments by the number of likes and replies received and Twitter by the number of ReTweets. Based on reader feedback, I will add the top #WomanLaw and #ManLaw list to this blog post at 5pm EST along with the applicable user name(s).
Admin note: Updated at 5pm EST.
Top user submitted #ManLaw Commandments list provided by The Hallway:
I. Thou Shall Argue Fairly. You Cannot Tell Me What I Am, But You Can Tell Me What I Did
II. Thou Shall Not Make My Partner Feel Bad for Answering Ques. That I Did Not Want to Hear the Answer to.
III. Thou Shall Not Keep Count of the Compromises We Make for One Another
IV. Thou Shall Be Honest and Able to Admit When I Am Wrong
V. Thou Shall Look at All Arguments, Concerns, and Discrepancies from Both Sides
VI. Thou Shall Not Jump to Conclusions
VII. Thou Shall Not Question the Struggles That Come with Being a Man/Woman, We Both Have It Hard
VIII. Thou Shall Not Complain Without Serious Solutions to the Issue at Hand
IX. Thou Shall Not Be Too Stubborn to Be the First Person to Call After an Argument
X. Thou Shall Not Give Useless Information Out of Malice to Stir Up Insecurities/Jealousy
I’d like to personally thank those of you who participated today and those of you who read/lurk every day. You make this blog and its writers a success.
Sincerely, the always humble except for when I’m cocky,
These commandments govern my interactions with men like a jeri-curled goatee. *sigh*
X Man/Woman Law
I Thou Shall Argue Fairly. You Cannot Tell Me What I Am, But You Can Tell Me What I Did
II Thou Shall Not Make My Partner Feel Bad for Answering Ques. That I Did Not Want to Hear the Answer to.
III Thou Shall Not Keep Count of the Compromises We Make for One Another
IV Thou Shall Be Honest and Able to Admit When I Am Wrong
V Thou Shall Look at All Arguments, Concerns, and Discrepancies from Both Sides
VI Thou Shall Not Jump to Conclusions
VII Thou Shall Not Question the Struggles That Come with Being a Man/Woman, We Both Have It Hard
VIII Thou Shall Not Complain Without Serious Solutions to the Issue at Hand
IX Thou Shall Not Be Too Stubborn to Be the First Person to Call After an Argument
X Thou Shall Not Give Useless Information Out of Malice to Stir Up Insecurities/Jealousy
EX.
Her: "James thought my hair was cute"
Him: "Who is James?"
*aw sh!t*
My recent post Are You Ms. Pretty P^ssy?
These are good, too. Although, your #8 (similar to WIM's 5) is entirely acceptable to me… sometimes I want to vent to _you_ cuz I can call a homegirl and vent, but she ain't gonna make me feel the way you're gonna make me feel after it's over. Depends on the venting…
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Oh, and your recent post? Informative. That chart though, lol.
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I'm glad I could inform you. Lol
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And this time, unlike last time, I commented 🙂
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Thanks. Hope you check me out again.
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Just follow the man laws listed above and I promise you, you will get at least 90% of the things you want from a man! This is from pure experience!! The minute I used the Men language, I get what I want or realize I wont get what I want both faster than if I bullshyt. I think thats the best answer but I will give this list business a try 🙂
I disagree. Men are much more complex than they let on (or know). Give them exactly what they say they want and most of them will become, confused, threatened, suspicious, emotional, irrational, and scared. They eventually run back to a woman who gives them what they complain about.
That's true to an extent, but I believe those are the men who either like to play games or honestly don't know what they want. They just piggyback off what they see other men around them doing or asking for and begin demanding that from women they are involved with. Then if things aren't 'perfect' like they thought it would be they change it up and try to demand something different. Those are the clueless men who have no sense of self.
A man who knows exactly what he wants is easy to please, like MsDulceDeLeche said. It's all about the type of individual you are dealing with. All men aren't the same and neither are all women. That's why it is so important to handle each situation differently, because at the end of the day each situation is unique.
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Eh, people aren't really all that original or snowflake-esque.
I agree. I live by these commandments and it throws certain women and men off. That's why people prefer gender roles but I prefer maintaining my personality. I don't have time for games. So, when he half-heartedly asks 'What's wrong?' I will tease him about how dry he's being. I rarely take things to heart and life is too short for being petty. Making light of some things can bring the two of you into a better mood/closer. Still haven't figured out how to get around the emotional displays/constant contact thing though. I lubbs my space and like to think before I react!
#WomanLaw: Thou shalt put the toilet seat DOWN Man!
#ManLaw: Thou shalt LOOK before thou sitteth Woman!
LOL. More to come in the morning
lol i agree!! This would be a great compromise to reach. Although I've never gotten the toilet seat argument; sometimes I leave the seat up when I put cleaning solutions in the bowl so…
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Cosign on this one! Yes, we men should put the seat down. However, male or female, if you fall into the toilet because you failed GLANCE at the seat for all of 1.38 seconds to see if the seat was down, that's your own fault.
Good ones. It still amazes me how many men don't know how to put a toilet seat down…and how many woman will sit down without looking.
To me it's like the equivalent of driving through a stop sign and crossing the street without looking both ways. Some people need to learn how to think and look before acting. You know?
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I agree with all of the laws except #9. "You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, do it yourself."
Most of your laws are about clarity and being specific, so I would follow suit and be specific about the request I'm making. #1-8 and #10 are on point. Most of these things are my pet peeves with people in general because I can't stand my time being wasted. Say what you want, speak your mind so people know what you like and exactly how to please you. You can only be dissapointed with yourself (not with others) when you don't speak freely and honestly, with clarity. Take notes women. These laws are good advice for male/female relationships. Many of them are good for dealing with people in general.
1) Thou shall not ask me to do something they are not willing to do for me in a vice versa situation
2) thou shall listen to what I'm saying, not just hear it and turn the words around to help their case
3) If you want me to shut up and let you watch the game , make sure you take me out or spend serious QT with me the night b4 (if possible) so I can go on about my business on Sunday
4)Thou shall not do something with the opposite sex that you know you would'nt do infront of your man/women
5) Dont make promises you cant/dont want to keep
6) be honest , not half as$ed truths
7) Thou shall keep our buisness out of everyone else mouth. Dont step out and tell your friends when were having a problem and then dont come and tell them when I do a bunch of good things for you. It makes your partner always look like the bad guy
8)Men and women are not mind readers , so if I'm asking you about something elaborate b/c sometimes yes and no do not answer the whole question
9) Met me half way sometimes, some arguments we just need to agree to disagree
10) And number 10 from WIM's list. If you ask me whats wrong be ready to hear the answer no matter how raw it is. (Soemtimes we dont tell you right away b/c were trying to get all are facts in order)
3)
If you want me to shut up and let you watch the game , make sure you take me out or spend serious QT with me the night b4 (if possible) so I can go on about my business on Sundaylol Other than that….
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@Smilez_920 These are really great! I completely co-sign all of them! I see WIM is completely striking #3 from the record lol! It doesnt really apply to me though because my man shalt know that when it comes to football and basketball he shalt not be left alone cuz I'm watching the games with him! LoL. Otherwise, really important laws here though.
As a woman, I don't write laws for men. I sit and watch. If their rules of life don't mesh with my rules, I keep it moving.
Ya Know??!!
That’s how I feel about it.
Too Easy.
That one of the best outlooks on relationships I've heard in a while.
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Missed all the conversation yesterday, but this pretty much sums up everything I think, lol…
1. Don’t treat any woman in a way you wouldn’t want your mother or sister to be treated.
2. Know your emotions and express them truthfully. Respect the emotions of your partner and dont demand that they conform their emotions to your logic. Emotions aren’t supposed to be logical.
I like these! Especially the "emotions aren't supposed to be logical" part… I'm very logical… for an emotional person. *hee hee*
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1. The fact that he's a guy and he happens to date your best friend or sister does not mean him and I will automatically get along. Please do not make this assumption when planning double dates and hangout sessions.
2. If I say "I'm fine" I really am, for real. Please don't keep asking.
3. If you say "I have something to tell you." And I say "What's up?" and then you say "Nevermind." You're not allowed to be mad if I just say "ok." and go on about what I was doing.
4. While arguing, yelling or cursing is not acceptable. Both will bring a swift and abrupt end to any conversation we're having.
5. If you don't bring it up now, you can't bring it up later.
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Those sound like Most personal pet peeves laws
#5?!? Huh? lol. I mean, sometimes, it's better to wait a little while until we're cool, calm, and collected and can therefore have a logical conversation about whatever it is… without bursting into tears mind you… which was rule #2. Choose, homey, choose.
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Because there's no yelling or cursing, all of my conversations are cool, calm and collected and without tears.
So, no need to sit on something you're feeling. A couple hours to get your thoughts together maybe… but, anything after tomorrow is too late.
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Ok, so the compromise is w/in 24 hours? I can live with that.
Cause for real you, aint e'en gotta yell at me for me to cry, lol.
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I can understand no yelling or cursing, but if I had a man who tried to control how and wheen I expressed my emotions, I would probably be looking to get that emotional fulfillment somewhere else.
I can understand that, but I would never propose marriage to a woman so emotionally immature that she was unable to express what she was feeling without yelling our cursing.
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I remember reacting somewhat negatively the first time I read a post like that from you, but you're absolutely right. I think that because yelling and/or cursing at a significant other is something I've literally never done, I completely moved past that and focused on you unilaterally ending the conversation while I'm trying to express my discontent with you and/or the situation. But I can definitely see myself shutting down a conversation if the other party's delivery is off-putting.
We can go ahead and ratify these five right now. Especially number 1.
These are great too Sprads. I especially love #4. I try not to curse at all on a normal day, so yelling and cursing during disagreements is just really unacceptable. I think rules like this really change the tone of relationships and help keep the peace.
Yeah, you'd be surprised at what removing yelling and cursing from the table will do for the productiveness of your disagreements in a serious relationship.
In my house, we don't yell, and we don't curse. Early on, she would get a lil loud here and there. I couldn't stand it, but it's kinda just a part of her personality. So, when the decibel level would get too high, I would just say – "I'm sorry but, we're going to have to stop this conversation here." She would get soooo upset. Slowly but surely though, it began to sink in that, if you wanna get your way, if you want me to really understand what you're feeling, you're way better off not yelling because if you yell, i'm going to tune you out.
Really makes things go smoother. Helps you to remember that it's not me vs you, it's me and you vs the problem.
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@Most: "Really makes things go smoother. Helps you to remember that it's not me vs you, it's me and you vs the problem."
Tabernacle.
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How long have you been married?
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5 years in a 3 weeks.
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😀
A beautiful thang indeed.
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LMBO! This senario is JUST like me and my bf, lol. Except, I get a "hey…you're getting a little loud" warning first.
And I understand why you described it as "the decibel level would get too high", lol…cause, to us, "I'm not yelling…this is my serious tone", LOL.
The only thing I see wrong with the list is #6 and possibly #7. #6 is just a bit extreme. But you can compromise with #7, unless you’re like me and like to keep it funky in your relationship. If shorty ask me a question Ima give her an honest answer.
#MANLAW We are not Google Translate and will not convert your meaning into our (nORMAL) language, so say what you mean in plain english! No subliminals!
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#womanlaw. Don’t assume your language is normal because its simple. As a woman, we naturally have superior language skills. Aspire and improve yours.
#POW
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Using subliminal messages and not saying what you mean is superior language?
We have more words, don’t make us dumb it down, expand your vocabulary. Or at least dont try to call it crazy or abnormal just because you don’t undetstand.
That may be true, generally speaking, but I personally can't recall ever meeting a woman with a more expansive vocabulary than I have. I guess I'm responding to what Streetz said and you're talking about something else.
+1
My recent post The Millennial Manifesto: How 80′s Babies Can Save the World
If you are talking about language skill, women are better. Proven by many scientific tests. What we are talking about here is your average man being unable to understand the level of nuance in the communication of women. This is because of men’s biological language deficiency.
The foundation and building of language has been built by men though. You have superior communication skills. Men have a far greater grasp of language.
Ahhhhh……nope. check the verbal/language development of female brains vs. male. Plus the medulla oblongata. ‘sides, were talking about communication.
I know. I'm purposely not addressing what you meant (DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!).
I like these, generally, they're brief and simple enough… but…
#9. You mean I can't ask for head AND tell you how I want it? *crosses arms, rolls eyes AND neck, sucks teeth*
But seriously, I agree with #2… I don't think it's always blackmail (ie. intentional) but I will not cry in front of a man… Sometimes it cant be avoided cuz you trying to walk away and the good ones are wanting to pull you close, but yo I am not trying to have you see me cry, cuz after that I have no hope of convincing you of the sound logic behind my argument- you're simply going to write the whole.entire.thing.off as emotional, _simply_ because I'm crying. Sometimes #TeamPisces sucks!!!
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With you on the crying thing. Im a pisces to and the tears are hard to control. I try to step out of the room and get myself together then come back and finish my very rational non-emotional argument. But truth is I lost points cause I had to leave to get my emotions back in check. D*mn lol
You know what I think? At least we try to walk away instead of taking advantage of the tears or arguing emotionally. Yep. We should get points for that, lol.
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I don't have to hang out with your sister/cousin etc just because we are married. Estrogen doesn't make us compatible #womanLaw
Until you put a ring on it, my money is just that, mine. #womanlaw
We are not joined at the hip. We are allowed to have seperate friends and plans without it meaning I want to seperate from you.
@MzNewy: "Until you put a ring on it, my money is just that, mine. #womanlaw"
*jumping high five*
Because…
#ManLaw: Until I put a ring on it, my money is just that, mine
and if we divorce you leave with what you came in with. No more, no less.My recent post I Can’t Date Women With Name Brand Purses
f*ck a prenup… give me half upfront"And if we divorce you leave with what you came in with. No more, no less." #WomanLaw especially in this new era.
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I agree with you….and as Chunk said leave with what you came with…in this day and age most women (especially black women ) are bringing home more than most black men. Unfortunately corporate america would rather have a black female (two groups at once off the hr checklist) than a black male…..
"We are not joined at the hip. We are allowed to have seperate friends and plans without it meaning I want to seperate from you."
This gets my vote.
Also – if you're noticing some sort of distance between our words and our actions, instead of assuming one thing or the other, just ask us what we mean.
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#womanlaw unless I have a title and you introduce me as your woman, you are not permitted to ask about other men or trip if you find out about another man
I agree somewhat… you can ask, that's fine, but no trippin. And I ask, just out of curiosity.
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Here is where the issue comes in. We can have the perfect list and it will still go all wrong because men and women think differently. We can agree to the words, but what we will do and how we will implement the rules will be completely different. If we just agreed to Rule #1 Tell the truth.
(His Interpretation) Tell enough of the truth to be honest and not p*ss her off unless I feel like fighting.
(Her Interpretation) Wonderful we now have a time to talk. Lets begin with giving an entire history of the event, annotated with footnotes and reference to each event like it from the past to establish context, an analysis of the present situation, agreed to terms and definitions, an exchange of what I believe the truth is, and your feedback on what I have said, 5 action items as a way forward so this does not happen again and a review a week from now to make sure that we are both still on the same page.
Keep it real. We don't think the same so we won't agree on the rules and that is what keeps it interesting.
Yep! That seems about right!
I agree – everyone has to be willing to listen and accommodate the other person. If you are really willing to listen and want to understand it helps. But I also believe as we mature, gain wisdom these situations can be handled better. Some things just have to be accepted as they are part of the package deal with the person.
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I got 2 for now
-Don’t expect your mate to make sacrifices for you you aren’t willing to make for them
-a man/woman’s role is not to be fodder for your comfort or convenience
Just 1 law…
1. Say what you mean, mean what you say, ACT accordingly, and stick by it. Not ready for a relationship, don't play relationship with her, and then act like you don't understand why she feels the way she does. He's just your friend, then stop wanting to cuddle, kiss, etc., just b/c you're lonely.
Oh, and one more…
2, Treat others how you want to be treated.
There you go right there! That should be the basis of all relationships, in my opinion.
What we say should match what we do and we should respect ourselves and others.
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Your lady friend you wrote about who made the comments Rule 10 made too big of a generalization there. Ok, maybe the men SHE dealt with were asking one half hearted "what's wrong", but personally, I'm not asking that question for my health. I don' t do token questions just to say I ask them. If I ask you what's wrong, I genuinely want to know what's wrong and want to make you feel better or correct what I did wrong.
And on that note, none of that "I'm not telling you because you should know already" bs. If I'm asking you, it's because I don't know. This isn't the comic book world (some of us wouldn't mind if it was) where we have telepathy and can read your mind. I like to think I'm a bit better than most guys at figuring these things out, but even when have a general idea of what's going on, I need to hear it from YOU so that I can see YOUR perspective of what's wrong. If I go off my own perspective, we'll end up having the conversation again.
1. Thou shalt stateth what thy meaneth. I am not the Lord thy God, and I knoweth not thy heart.
2. Thou shall not purposely misinterpreteth the statements of thy man. Trippeth not, for thou knowest what he meant.
3. After the going down of the sun, thou shall not bringeth up a transgression. Speak thy displeasure at the time, or such displeasure shall not be brought forth in future arguments.
4. Thou shalt not purposely maketh me decide between thee and the game, even the football, neither the basketball, to prove I love thee.
5. When thou asketh a question of thy man, he shall doeth his best to articulate specifically what he meaneth. In turn, thou shalt not repeatedly asketh the same question with different words. Thou will causeth him say something that he meanteth not. Seeth commandment #2.
6. Thou shall not putteth thy man to foolish test thou has read in the scrolls of Cosmopolitan
7. Thou shall not use crying as a weapon.
8. Thou shalt giveth the head.
9. Thou shalt not seeth another fair woman, then looketh upon thy man, and proceedeth to take issue if he glanceth upon her countenance. You saweth her beauty, what makest thou thinketh he saw her not? If he stareth, thou hast permission to puncheth, even in the shoulder or chest, but not for a glance. He still loveth thee, with all his heart.
10. Thou shalt have thine own hobbies, and shalt not useth thy mate as thy sole source of entertainment. useth thy mate as thy sole source of entertainment.
XI. Let it be acknowledged that what most drives you crazy about the opposite sex is also most likely something that you love them for. We are different for a reason and two views are better than one. You don't wanna date your boys/girlfriends. You'd be bored to tears if ya'll were carbon copies of one another. Along with your shared strengths, you'd also share the same weaknesses leaving gaping holes in your life.
XII. When you talk bad about your significant other, you're talking bad on yourself. You're a team and you chose that partner. If he/she ain't ish – you chose an ain't ish person; you proud of that? They had a bad day, everyone does. Treat them as you'd want to be treated on your bad days. Work together to improve. Or leave.
Yes. "Work together to improve. Or leave" This sums it up for me as it coincides with the brilliance most posted above: "it's not me vs you, it's me and you vs the problem. "
Consensus Laws:
1. Leave all baggage at the door. I am NOT your ex. I did not hurt you.
2. We are a team when we are outside, no matter what. As much as possible, let's save the arguments for indoors.
3. I am a guy/girl so if I tell you that guy/girl is trying to get into your panties/boxers, chances are they are. Trust me on this.
4. We will NEVER assume something as important as a relationship status. It must be EXPLICITLY stated. If it has not been said, it is not.
5. Our business is our business. Your friend (girls) or your mother (guys) does not need to know ALLADAT. Some things should remain sacred……
6. Cheating is NOT allowed. If you ever get to the point when you think cheating is inevitable, walk away or be happy to deal with whatever the consequences are. This is non-negotiable.
7. If I watch the game with you at 7pm, you are watching Bridezilla with me at 9pm.
8. Fantasies are allowed only if they are with highly unattainable celebrities. You CANNOT fantasize (out loud ;-)) about my bestfriend.
9. Don't follow me on Twitter. Don't ask me for my username. We can still be friends on Facebook though.
10. We are not joined at the hip.
I'd agree with all of that, but I'd modify your 7.
How about I watch the game myself, and you watch Bridezilla yourself? No man should have to watch Bridezilla.
Um, yeah. I REFUSE to watch Bridezillas. Watched it once. Never again. Buncha ungrateful, spoiled heffas.
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lmao! haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Superb list, but I'm not with #7 either.
#2 & #5 are major.
Fine! I'm all about consensus. Let's take Bridezillas out and replace it with….. Keeping Up With The Kardashians? I don't see how this can't be a win-win situation. I know y'all like to gaze on Kim K's beauty and I always love to see the outfits. The next option would be Snapped on Oxygen so let's just agree with the Kardashians, why don't we?
Still, 9 out of 10 is something :-).
Or let's just not watch any of that garbage. We can compromise on an hour of HGTV. That's the offer on the table.
My vote is for this list!!!
"9. Don't follow me on Twitter. Don't ask me for my username. We can still be friends on Facebook though."
lol, Word? My twitter is locked even though I only post dry randomness, but I can't see myself having an issue with a significant other being connected to me via any social medium. The way I see it, some of the stuff that comes out can give a good idea of your compatibility…not least of all when you display how handle any ire towards him/her. Then again, I'm a big fan of transparency.
#4 is KEY.
#3..eh. Some people have overactive imaginations and/or are simply jealous in nature. Some are merely projecting.
#No man should refer to himself as Pretty, Gorgeous, or Fione
#No man should describe his complexion by using terms such as Caramel, Mocha, Chocolate, etc…
#Don't ask questions that you are not prepared to answer the same question w/o
guiltattitude.You don't want a Kappa then…lol
1. Live by the words of GZA/Genius: Half short, twice strong (ignore that this came off of a double LP). If you want me to stay engaged in whatever story or information you're giving me, you have to cut out all that damn filler.
2. Unless it's something important to either party (some sort of milestone like completing your Master's), our 'bonding time' should be fun/entertaining/engaging (or at least have the opportunity to, like going somewhere new) FOR BOTH OF US. None of this use me as your butler as you go shopping garbage.
3. No score-boarding or tic for tac garbage. There is no need for mental notes about when was the last time I did you a favor or how many favors that 'big' one is worth!
4. Unless agreed upon, no calling friends/family for back-up regarding situations that they weren't there to witness or were involved in.
5. The relationship will change. Given that, certain things and situations will have to be revisited and maybe revised as it goes along. Nothing is ever the same as it was in the beginning, no need to go by those parameters forever. Note: Obviously certain foundations should remain unchanged.
Cosign #3, 4,5. I don’t know about 1 & 2
We should communicate amongst ourselves and not rely on outside sources to resolve our relationship issues/dilemmas.
Communication is so vital. A couple should talk and resolve problems that may arise together. The first instinct should be to run out to family, friends, co-workers and strangers to look for guidance. I'm sure that with time, patience and respect anything that arises can be resolved.
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I do heart this list. It made me laugh then think. I'm pretty liberal and can go for most of it. It would really depend on the man the list is attached to. I do believe some of the rules change as we mature. What was working for me at 25 won't cut it at 35. Also, since I am a girl – and we cry – I just have to say that it's not emotional blackmail – like Chunk said, if I'm off into another room or if I don't do it ALL the time. I mean, men cry – gasp! And well, it's perfectly fine to show emotion as long as it's genuine (see my #5).
Here are my contributions:
1. Under promise, over deliver.
2. Actions outweigh words unless those words are hurtful, mean, deceitful or outright lies.
3. When we eventually have "the conversation" the two parties involved should be clear on the goals and desires of the relationship. Like White Jesus, over Tyler Perry's shoulder giving him advice on what to write and how to sell it clear.
4. There is no subject off limits – only how we discuss it. Cursing, yelling, etc is not acceptable.
5. Emotional blackmail, withholding the cookies, feigning anger and threatening to leave (or withhold/take away anything your partner deems a show of love or value) to get your way will not be tolerated.
6. Be the prototype you ask/expect me to be.
7. Learn to bury the hatchet. We can't have feuds in the house all the time. We all have the ministry of reconciliation so be ready to discuss, resolve and then make up and move forward.
8. Listen. Even if that ish is boring to you, or you've heard the story 20 times and 10 different ways, listen anyway.
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All of this!
Yep
"Under promise, over deliver."
*scribbles in notepad* This is rich…
LOL…thank you. I just can't deal with all of the promising and words and things. As women we always believe it. So, my thing is don't promise me anything. Just deliver. Took me a long time.
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