**** Admin Note ****
In order to try out different styles and try and put some people on … we have yet another hot and fresh guest post.
Check him out … email me your thoughts or hit me on twitter.
-SBM
*************
"Don't let this sumb*tch hit zero with no ring on my finger!"
Yohance Brown: I’m feeling you and I think we should make this official.
Serene Green: What you saying?
YB: I want you to be my gf … officially
SG: *mental fist pump of victory* Yay, you’re my baby now officially
YB: You’re the greatest
SG: **inside her brain a timer starts to countdown**
YB: Did you hear something just now? It sounded like a bomb counting down.
SG: Huh? Boy you so silly. No I didn’t hear anything like that … kiss me now, your my MAN now.
Unbeknownst to most fella’s when they think they’ve found that special PYT (Pretty Young Thang for the kids out there) and you go ahead and put a title on it, a clock goes off in that shorty’s head … and the countdown has begun, something I like to call “The Timeline”.
Oh you didn’t know “The Timeline” existed? Well don’t fret, I’m here to break it down for you. Basically, from the minute you lock that down, she is counting down in her head (consciously or subconsciously has yet to be determined) the time you have to put a ring on it (shouts out to Beyonce) before that clock expires and….. *tick* …. *tick* …. BOOM!!
Might sounds a lil crazy but I started seeing the sh*t happening around me. Watch for these surefire signs to figure out where you are on your woman’s ‘Timeline’, and if it’s protect ya neck time!
The Relationship Milestone Power Move
Off top, don’t let this title confuse you into thinkin’ ya shorty is gon’ come out swingin’ like “Get down or lay down”. The convo may begin like it’s gon’ go that way, and then she gon’ pull out all the stops on her Jack Bauer, I’m gon’ get isht done no matter what within the ‘Timeline’. And by that, she turns up the emotion, turns on the tears, and that “we need to talk about our relationship” and “where things are going” conversation happens…..AGAIN. Fellas, when ya lady starts pushing toward that major milestone (meeting the family, moving in together, etc) and you KNOW you ain’t ready for all that, get nervous, as in DeAngelo Barksdale nervous when he got pulled over in Philly……yes I’m for real.
Constant Relationship Comparisons
I know we all at some point look at our contemporaries and compare where we measure in comparison, but DAMN, there’s limits to that sh*t. Don’t do that sh*t when it comes to your relationship. Work with what you got and don’t compare your situation to Dick and Jane’s from college. Ladies please understand that just because your homegirl’s relationship seems to be moving at the speed of a Toyota Prius with no brakes, doesn’t mean that your situation should be moving at the same pace. Fall back and play YOUR position and things will go a lot smoother for everyone. Next time it appears a monkey wrench got thrown in the plans somewhere and has caused an engine stall on your flight toward wedded bliss (did I really just say that?), PLEASE don’t play that card. But back to the fellas, if you’re goin’ through this right now, you’re in dangerous territory son. This is a more advanced stage of the Timeline, and here you are bout to get picked off from far away cuz you out here slippin’.
Nip it in the Bud
Remember that time someone put you on to some exciting new sh*t?! And you, interested in said ‘new sh*t’ start investing time in learning about it. And then all of a sudden your woman comes through tryna shut sh*t down and nip your growing interest in the bud. Not on some “you never have any time for me” tip, but on that “This muthaf**ka has completely gone sideways and him bein’ on this new sh*t is effin up my Timeline”. This right here is that foundational deal-breaker, over-my-dead body type of disagreements. When you sense this fellas, it’s DEFCON 5, battle stations, bomb squad needs to be put on alert, and the building needs to be evacuated not now but RIGHT NOW!!
Ladies I put this it out there for you too. I’ve had several convo’s with my female commission on this topic, and have heard varied responses but some were able to side with me and realize their problem. Very few, but that ain’t the point.
Fellas, anybody gone through any of these situations and realized it was time to dip out before you got holes poked in your rubbers and wedding magazines sprawled about. Ladies, has this post made you realize you do this, or do you feel there’s nothing wrong with having a set in stone 10-commandments like timetable in your relationships? Let me know what ya think. Special thanks to SBM for giving me the audience and opportunity to speak my mind.
The Unamed Writer aka “SBM ain’t eff with the name I chose”
I like this. I am a 23-year-old female though, and I've been with the same guy since I was 16. I sometimes feel like the only girl I know who doesn't mind being young and enjoying it while we got it. I don't want to get married now… I don't feel like making sandwiches quite yet. Trying to get a business and a house before a ring. Eff a timeline… Only timeline I got relates to studying for my exams. Welcome to SBM!
Making sandwiches?
right. i was like make sandwiches. i can do that myself and a whole lot more. lol
This is what I'm talkin about…..I love the ladies who are on their grind and got stuff to accomplish. Definitely do the relationship thing but no one went to school just to graduate and then get wifed up and settled with the quickness. That comes with time…..no need to force it.
I agree. I look at like this, when time does come for me to be making sandwiches or whatever, if i don't feel like doing it anymore, I'll be able to stand on my own two bc I got my education and stuff together first!
I completely agree. I am in no rush to marry nobody! I'm only 20, I have ALOT of time….
I wasn't anywhere near thinking about a timeline when my ex proposed, and I've never thought about it with anyone else. If I ever actually find someone to be in a relationship with again, I don't think i'd worry about a timeline at all. I've already been married, so I'm in no rush.
i didnt really like this post i want to get married too but i dont act that way or do any of those things maybe because im young but i dont know any older women like that either idk usually the posts are informative and they give insite on some level but it sounds like youre just giving your own personal bias opinion idk
Hey, its so right. Tick. tick. anyone who tells you different is not self aware.
Guys I just think you owe it to her to say. 'Its not going to happen' when you know it, Of course they will not believe it but a year or whatever down the line when they turn up the pressure to microwave level its an easy out.
I don't have a timeline set up b/c every relationship is different. But, I do not expect to be in a serious and committed relationship for YEARS & YEARS w/o any TALK of the future/marriage. And the number of years will vary depending on each experience.
I'm a grown up; I'm not in a relationship for the hell of it. If I'm with you for a long time and have invested that much energy into the relationship then you're clearly a potential husband. If you don't want to ever marry me & it's clear that I have wedding bells on the brain then we need to call it quits b/c we're wasting each other's time.
I know someone who's been w/ her man for 10 years & wants to get married but he's resistant. They have a child and live together. He ain't goin no where & neither is she.TEN YEARS? Chile, boo. Won't be me . .. I'm sorry, lol.
THIS.
plus I want to have children. and I want to be married when I do so. and I know my eggs are dwindling. it is what it is.
sometimes I envy my reckless cousins that popped out babies before 25. sometimes. then I come to terms that I enjoyed my early twenties and I'm very much still carefree and can come and go as I please. they don't have that luxury. but at least when they get my age, that's one thing they don't have to worry about…
I know the feeling. Basically our options are:
1. Have kids early and maybe a suitable partner will emerge. Or….
2. "Do the right thing" and potentially limit the number of legitimate children you have.
It's not a pretty picture – and I really don't get why men don't get this. Eggs aren't made to last forever.
I feel where the ladies are coming from on this one. In my experience, the Timeline is certainly more justifiable from ages of say 26 and up. I've seen a lot of young sistas (19 – 23) though make that strong marriage push, and they been sophomore's for three years and ain't picked a career. This is really aimed at those sistas
@Ami, I kinda feel you. Been with my bf for about 4yrs, with a couple make ups and break ups…I'm 24 with a couple engaged/married friends…now don't get it twisted- we are on a timeline (he doesn't know it yet), however I don't believe in rushing things. We both need to be in the proper financial and emotional state. I really don't see myself married before 29, 30- but I also don't see us being bf/gf for another 5yrs. Truthfully, we may be up for this talk at the end of the yr…I wanna have 2 degrees and some property before I get married, but life doesn't always go according to plan…I don't want to rush something so important, but it is necessary to discuss where u are and where you think things are going. Like someone said above, if we've been dating for yrs I clearly see u as husband potential.
I look at my big cuz and his wife…they were together for about 8 yrs, she told him if he wasn't proposing she was out, and about 6months later he got her a huge rock. Lol They started at about the same age as us…I don't necessarily want that outcome, but sometimes that's the journey you take… I watched my cuz go from a 21yr old boy (lol) with a gf to a 29/30yr old man proposing to his lady. Now they're married, caked up with a gorgeous little girl. Sometimes it's a hop and a skip, sometimes it's a journey…as long as you're walking with the right person, you'll get there.
Lawdamercy.
First, there IS a timeline. It's called the Don't Waste My F&%^^ING TIME…Line, lol. Let's not play games, the sandbox was a while ago. Like some of the other posters commented, it's not about hustling a man down the aisle with a shotgun. If a man is that weak that he can just be bullied into marriage I don't want it. But if it's right – put a ring on it. I am not Gene Simmon's Forever Girlfriend.
What the helz do we think dating is for? Indefinite undefined companionship? Free beats and sandwiches? Dating has replaced arranged marriages and such as the pre-marriage ritual of choice. Pyss or get off the pot.
Happy Friday!
I 100% #cosign and approve this comment!
"First, there IS a timeline. It’s called the Don’t Waste My F&%^^ING TIME…Line, lol"
LMAO Anna…^5
Happy Friday all!
iCOSIGN ANNA N. ALL DAY!!
AMEN. CHURCH. TEMPLE. TABERNACLE.
I'm going into a relationship thinking this dude has got 3 yrs to pop the question or I'm out… that's ridiculous. However, there is a stage in every relationship where you KNOW if this is going to work long term for you… & if it ain't, let me know so that I can move the hell on b/c I will surely do the same for you.
Was that the recess bell?
sigh… i need to learn to proof read…
Correction:
*I'm not going…
Anna N: “First, there IS a timeline. It’s called the Don’t Waste My F&%^^ING TIME…Line, lol. Let’s not play games, the sandbox was a while ago.”
Dear Lord in heaven, I agree with Anna N twice in one week! This is pretty much exactly how a man would think if he were in a woman’s body. If you are looking to get wifed up, dating someone who isn’t looking to get married in the near future is wasting time. There doesn’t need to be an ultimatum if you figure out what each other are looking for when you first start dating. If a man tells you before his is officially “your man” that he doesn’t see himself getting married anytime soon, why would you pursue that? It’s strange how some women can have their career goals mapped out, then be so nebulous in romantic affairs.
Sheeeeit, now you got ME lookin' outside for signs of the apocolypse!
Anna N. on her Clay Davis Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
Welcome….
I actually dated my ex-husband for eight years before we even got engaged….I didn't really have a timeline until we started going into year 5-6….I wasn't going to keep dating for the hell of it…..sometimes, you have to institute a timeline..or negroes will sit on the clock like time is endless….my ex and I even broke up for awhile after I gave him an ultimatum. I was prepared to move on…he came back with a ring and a proposal…we were married eight years we are now divorced…and he is re-married. We have two beautiful son's….even though we didn't go to death do us part, if marriage is what a woman desires and you guys are kickin' it and doing everything that married folks do..shackin, splittin bills, kids, etc…make it official then..or move on.
That is all.
Thank you for the welcome………I gotta co-sign with you on this. There is a grown woman approach to the Timeline, and a grown azz girl approach (future post idea..hmmm). You handled it the right way…….the grown way **applause**
Queen T: “if marriage is what a woman desires and you guys are kickin’ it and doing everything that married folks do..shackin, splittin bills, kids, etc…make it official then..or move on.”
One question. Why? There is absolutely no reason to move on. If women are going to live with men, split bills, and have our children, what is the incentive to get married? A man is literally getting nothing out of the marriage and taking a WHOLE LOT of risk if things go wrong. This is why I say women have all the power in a relationship. If you really want a husband and you don’t want to mess around, then don’t give a man these things before you get married! At the very least, severely restrict it. This is what the sexual revolution did for women. It’s harder to get a husband, but hey, at least women like Lil Kim can have her tatas out and feel empowered!
I asked this before and I’ll ask again. Give me one good reason a man should get married if a woman is giving him all the benefits of marriage and none of the risk. And no, you can’t respond with “a woman is giving up a lot too”. I’m asking why a man should, not a woman.
I can give you a few reasons why a man should get married even though he can get the "cow for free" if you will:
1. He actually believes in marriage.
2. He doesn't want his kids to be bastards.
3. He comes from a family/community that places importance on marriage.
4. He wants to make sure that his woman and children are properly cared for in case something bad happens to him. Miss me with the contracts, agreements and such to try and legally replicate what a simple marriage license provides. It's the reason my gays have been fighting for marriage rights all this time.
5. If he has a loving woman who keeps a good home and has his children – and he knows he wants to be with her – he would want to legitimize her in the eyes of her community. Trust, she's takin' some heat for you that she may not even share.
All that said…..I wouldn't be that woman, lol.
Thank you miss Anna N
The question is If your in love with a woman One woman is bringing you this kind of joy
Why wouldn't you?
Amen to that.
to answer…..
because I've given you the taste of what its like Youve test drivin the damn car You cant just sit your ass in the showroom all day
We close this bish at 9
be happy I let you taste the good life
there are some that give you nothing and then you mad cause shes not what you envisioned her to be or shes nuts
That's the Anna N. I know and love! Things are right with the universe again!
1. OK, but if he believes in marriage, you wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with.
2. They are still ba$tards. Marriage won't change the fact they were born out of wedlock.
3. Same as number one.
4. That’s exactly the problem. With the benefits of legal marriage comes the detriments. Those same rights will strip him of his children and half his life's work if things go wrong.
5. So a man should risk his financial and emotional future based on what other people think. Not smart.
Laurinsofia: ” The question is If your in love with a woman One woman is bringing you this kind of joy
Why wouldn’t you?”
Ask anyone who has been divorced.
Laurinsofia: "because I’ve given you the taste of what its like Youve test drivin the damn car You cant just sit your ass in the showroom all day
We close this bish at 9"
And with that ultimatum, a man will realize, whoa, if this is her attitude, when I get married I’ll probably be forced to accede to less palatable demands. It’s been real, but the other dealership will let me keep the car for the weekend.
So dont get married because you could end up divorced?
Hell, I'd let you keep it for the weekend too But under the understanding the bish is coming back if you decied not to buy
Again
fear and always wondering if the grass is greener in someone elses yard
Decide
You're missing the point. The man already has the car! Marriage is like anti-insurance. Get married, your risks go up exponentially, yet your day-to-day life doesn't change whatsoever. In fact, according to my married friends, the ring means less sex and she gets fat.
Without the ring, there will be a custody battle for the children still, and the emotional distress. But slide that ring on the finger and add spousal support to the mix, with that stupid "accustomed lifestyle" clause. I live in Wisconsin, and no man here wants to go though the hell known as the family courts.
If a man doesn't believe in marriage for personal or religious reasons, he is an absolute fool to get married.
Why would a man get married if it weren't for personal or religious reasons?
Marriage is not for everyone If its not for you Put it out there So there is no miscommunication
If you playing house with a woman You know has marriage in mind Dont play her Give her the respect in knowing your intentions
With all of the senarios in the original post It seemed as though the want to marry was one sided
Instead of Jumping ship Why not just be honest upfront and let her know Marriage is not what your in this for
No instead men say You could be the one I may marry one day Whos to say
But slide that ring on the finger and add spousal support to the mix, with that stupid “accustomed lifestyle” clause.
I will forever have issue with so many men "claiming" to not want to get married because of the above and pointing to (insert celebrity here)'s divorce debacle as a perfect example of why they're not getting married, yet they themselves don't have anywhere near (insert celebrity here)'s assets and their potential wife ain't never gonna become accustomed to (insert celebrity ex-wife)'s lifestyle.
#realitycheck #negroplease
Ms. Cherry: ”I will forever have issue with so many men “claiming” to not want to get married because of the above and pointing to (insert celebrity here)’s divorce debacle as a perfect example of why they’re not getting married, yet they themselves don’t have anywhere near (insert celebrity here)’s assets and their potential wife ain’t never gonna become accustomed to (insert celebrity ex-wife)’s lifestyle.
#realitycheck #negroplease”
#realitycheck #negressplease
Celebrities have the finances to weather a divorce. Poor people have nothing to lose. It’s the middle class man that stands to have his finances jeopardized in a divorce. You obviously don’t know any men making between $40-60K paying alimony or child support. A lot of men are hesitant to get married because they don’t want to be a victim of the courts.
First off, I'm mad my original comment didn't post because of my dang computer, lol,
Hugh, I see where you're going. Ladies, if you don't want to get stuck in a play marriage don't give the man everything that he would get if y'all were married.
I get it, and I agree. Get your umbrella out because it's about to rain frogs, lol.
But you know who started this bullshyt, right? MEN. Women listened to men when y'all said what you really wanted was a super cool, down azz chick who would hold you down and basically prove how much she loves you through thick and thin BEFORE men would even consider putting a ring on it. So a younger girl goes out of her way to be "that chick" and guess what? A man will string you on FOREVER if you let him! He will marry someone else and STILL try to get with your "extra cool" azz on the side! I'm not ashamed to say that I have been the "super cool chick" and have learned my lesson. I ain't THAT dayum cool, lol! I'll tell you what I want and need. And if it comes down to it, hellz yeah I have a deadline. Shyt or git off da pot!!
Anna N.: "But you know who started this bullshyt, right? MEN. Women listened to men when y’all said what you really wanted was a super cool, down azz chick who would hold you down and basically prove how much she loves you through thick and thin BEFORE men would even consider putting a ring on it. So a younger girl goes out of her way to be “that chick” and guess what? A man will string you on FOREVER if you let him! He will marry someone else and STILL try to get with your “extra cool” azz on the side! "
Yes, men started it. That’s why women should have a generic timeline and a game plan together. It doesn’t have to be marked on a calendar or anything, but have an idea what you want. If a man is just trying to kick it, then obviously a woman seeking nuptials shouldn't be dating him. A man seriously looking to get married doesn’t need four years to determine if you’re the one.
Goodness, all this agreement with you is scary! Maybe your matrimonial confirmation has disrupted the space-time continuum! Congrats again.
I agree with you to a certain extent. I hear alot of men say why should they get married if they can get divorced? Alot of people get divorced but their marriage isnt yours so you cant compare. Also all it takes for a marriage to work is respect and the desire for the commitment to prosper. Both parties have to be willing to put in the work. If your marriage doesn't succeed its b/c you are 1/2 of the problem. Marriages that strive are because they want it to strive. People easily are looking to be "on to the next one" and dont wanna work marriages out. I personally dont believe in divorce and if a man marries a woman with the same belief, he wont have to worry about it…….
For the record, me and my ex husband..didn't shack before marriage..and we dated for 8 yrs…personally, I agree with you..don't give up all the goods before marriage..there is no incentive for a man at that point…
In my experience, since I have been married..and all of my friends are married…the woman holds down a full time job, comes home, cooks, helps the kids with homework, cares for the home…and is holding it down….what isn't the man getting out of a marriage is the question HUGH?
Queen T: “the woman holds down a full time job, comes home, cooks, helps the kids with homework, cares for the home…and is holding it down….what isn’t the man getting out of a marriage is the question HUGH?”
A man with a devoted wife has plenty to gain from marriage, but remember the context. We are talking about a man who is getting all that from a woman WITHOUT the ring. What is the benefit of getting married when you already have a woman that holds down a full time job, comes home, cooks, helps the kids with homework, cares for the home…and is holding it down?
Ultimatums, makes me wonder if its just waiting until gf thinks can get away with it, or??
maybe cuz i'm only 22, but I think the whole timeline/countdown thing is kinda stupid. The only thing I count down like that is the number of days till I get my next degree so I can get a real paycheck! I don't put ultimatiums on guys because 99.9% of the time they don't work.
Yes, it's entirely cuz you're only 22. You're right where you should be: working on education, job, money and fun. These are the fun years – enjoy them.
It's just weird bc a lot fo my friends are married, engaged, or in serious serious relationships. Some of them have kids and got married/engaged just so they could have kids! And we're all between 22-24. I'm all like why now?!
To me that is just way to young..live a little. In my 20s I was having a good time….traveling, dating. That is what your 20s are for…
Thing about ultimatums is that you have to be prepared for the other person to call your bluff, especially if you're just talking out of the side of your neck just to get a reaction. So it's not that they don't work so much as they don't go the way the issuer of said ultimatum is prepared for it to go.
For me a time line is just a natural progression of a serious relationship (keyword serious). I'm just not going to be your boo sweet forever IF I envision us with something more. My thing is some women tend to hint too much and just not come out and say what they intend or where they want a relation ship to go. You may as well not be talking to some guys because a hint to them goes right over their heads. I could bring in bridal magazines til the cows come home but to him all he sees is some skinny chicks in big @ss white dresses and goes back to watching the game.
Some guys are content to have a relationship go the same way for years and years and years (nttawwt)….hell if it ain't broke don't fix it right? But if that's not what you want from him, don't sit there and get mad when it's year 6 (or whatever) and you still don't have a ring (or more serious commitment) from him.
I was not bluffing at all….In my mind we were over and I had no intentions of going back. I would even go as far as to say, it was not so much an ultimatum as it was me saying to him, lets just go our separate ways since we obviously don't want the same thing right now……we had a good thing going and he knew it..he didn't want to lose me and he came back…but as a rule don't throw out ultimatums unless you know you are truly fed up and you are prepared to go it alone (and) or move on……
Amen, That's exactly what I was saying Queen.
Hi everyone, glad to see this has sparked a little debate/discussion. I'm the unknown poster at this point cuz yes, SBM ain't mess w/ my name choice so back to the drawing board. But glad to see folks are feeling my angle on this one. I don't think having some sort of time table is bad, cuz as one person said, at a certain age, folk ain't in relationships just because………..however, don't size dude up for a Tux and a honeymoon after 6 months………..u might not even know his real name by then lol
Question for the guys, if she can leave your ass 'Is she the one?'
She might have been that one missed opportunity… hindsight is 20/20. And just b/c I love you dearly doesn't mean I can't (as a woman or the potentional ONE) find contentment elsewhere. He may not have been all I thought you might be, but he was willing to progress.
THe way I fell, if she's not around at the end, she wasn't meant to win the race. and she should feel the same about me. Life is too short to dwell on that shyt.Word
U.P. (Unknown Poster) good shyt. Welcome to the SBM <del>Mafia </del> family!
Thanks for the kudos……I'm hoping to drop a couple more jewelz in the coming weeks. I been in this game for years, it's made me a animal (dating game, not what B.I.G was referring to).
"however, don’t size dude up for a Tux and a honeymoon after 6 months………..u might not even know his real name by then lol"
Thanks for an unpleasant revisit to pathological-liar-alley…*sigh* LOL
Hey, I'm just tryna drop some gems for the single and sexy out there. Look at it this way……….rather you relive it through reading than relive it through dating another dude you thought was a distant relative to Barack Obama and find out he's really Marion Barry's illigitemate kid with aspirations of being a shiftless negro
I wont call it a timeline per se but I will call it a deadline. That deadline can be adjusted based on certain circumstances. If chick is on her grind w/ school, work or w/e that deadline may be pushed back. Chick sitting around might have an earlier deadline. There are too many variables on the deadline to mention though
Is there some grass roots sandwich making movement out there that fellas are imposing on any potential woman they wanna marry? Are vows in danger of being changed to love, honor, obey, and hook up sandwiches till death do you part?
LOL – I guess so. "Woman, I want my hoagie. And I want it NOW!
*mumbles* And there better be chips on that bytch or I'ma sleep with your cousin."
Two requirement every woman must have to be considered a wifey.
Make good Sandwhiches and give Head.
If she could do both at the same time I will run down the aisle. Nothing is better than eating a sandwhich while getting head… we call it a Headwhich.
So CHeeKZ, will you be running down the aisle since you're getting ready to put a ring on it? I think you get what I'm askin here…………no disrespect (shout out to Donnell Rollins aka Ashy Larry and the Big Tigger Morning Show).
Dude.. I have no fear of Marriage. I hope my gf understands clearly the only reason why she isn't Mrs Money is b/c I am not made of it and her ring requirements and my ceremony request need $$$$.
I dream of having New Edition sing at my marriage…. or atleast a cover band.
CHeeKZ: "Make good Sandwhiches and give Head.
If she could do both at the same time I will run down the aisle. Nothing is better than eating a sandwhich while getting head… we call it a Headwhich."
Ah, but the question is will she continue to make sandwiches and give head after the ring is on her finger?
"I dream of having New Edition sing at my marriage…. or atleast a cover band."
You're gonna make me break out the Heartbreak album.
Hell Ya Hugh.
See what women don't understand is that when I ask a girl "will you marry me?"
what I really am asking is.. .http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7flrKMGfwjw
Now come on baby. Lets go get wet.
On a perfect day, I know I can count on you,
But if that's possible, tell me can you weather a storm?
Cause I need somebody who will stand by me,
Through the good times and bad times, she will always,
Always be right there
That Heartbreak album was simply a classic. That was back when they made real music. Now kids listen to I'm ln Love With a Stripper.
(Let me clear my throat)
Ralph is now married and living in Atlanta
LMAO………..if there was a male trifflin' enough to do that, he'd definitely start small. Wouldn't jump str8 to the cousin……….would probably be that cute chick at the cleaners that he see's weekly when he drops off and picks up his professional attire. Not condoning this, just adding a little more accuracy…………but damn, over a sandwich?!
…..
Don't talk to me about marriage if you are not talking about love…
I don't care about a serious committed relationship. That is just a result of a man not wanting to leave you. A ninja needs love and I don't feel it in these comments.
I hate the way today's generation views relationships. People are so deceiving. Dating.. when they are only looking for the symbol of being married. Materialistic. Lying about intentions.
It feels like some women are putting themselves into these serious committed relationship as a way to get a man to depend on them. Than they threaten to leave if the man doesn't purpose and he loses his partner. But he would have never took you on as a partner if you let him know you were such a disgusting selfish person.
Keep in mind I am a dude who is currently saving up to buy his gf a ring.
Agreed w/ the fact that some people are "only looking for the symbol of being married."
When I made my comments, I assumed the love was implied. How foolish of me… I wouldn't dare be in a serious committed relationship with a person I didn't love.
However, on the flip side & bringing us back to the post at hand… some folks will manipulate/test the love one party has for another for prolonging the progression of the relationship. If you love me, then why must I be your girlfriend for 7 years before you know if you want to be with me forever?
I agree with So Flyy,
I assume that love is in there somewhere. Even though I don't think I'd be in something for 7 years if it wasn't going the direction I was cool with. I would at least have some idea of where things were at that point.
Oh, I was in love…I too thought that would go without saying….
I know in my experience..I wasn't even concerned about marriage until around year six of dating my ex. We were just enjoying one another, traveling, locking down career paths…take your time. Do your own timeline.
Kudos to you Cheekz for saving up for that rang…..I wish you all the best.
"If you love me, then why must I be your girlfriend for 7 years before you know if you want to be with me forever?"
^^
Exactly. I co-sign this, and I said something similar in my own post. And frankly I don't think there is nothing wrong with me walking away from someone who is going take me for that long ass ride and NOT make me more than just his gf or loooonnnng term fiance. If you are saying you're not ready every year for a decade then you BES' believe you aren't the kind of man i'd want in the long run anyway.
So I assumed love was a given in a situation where we're talking marriage. At the same time though, contrary to what the movies and that Mary J Blidge joint (classic by the way), love is NOT all you need……..but it definitely needs to be there, so point taken
Men aren't doing women any favors by proposing. You propose because it's something you want to do and are ready for. No one wants to rush that (no one sane, anyway).
But like the other women have said, love/compatibility are the givens. Once you have those in place it really is just a matter of time. And I know you KNOW this because clearly you have decided it's time to start savin' for that rock, lol! Congratulations, homie – go for at least 1.5 carats, and princess cut looks great on pretty much everyone. I'm sure she makes a great "headwich." (you know you're in the corner for that, right?)
the relationship comparison is a quick way for you to get told by me to go be with that n*66a. if you are with me we are going to handle our relationship the way WE handle it, not they way your girlfriend handles hers. just like when you were young and you wanted to do something and they didn't let you. you said: "well ______'s parents let them do it. your parent's response: "you are my child, not them."
Yeah, I don't think comparing yourself/ relationship to anothers..is ever a good look. Besides, you never really know whats going on in anybodys relationship…shyt ain't always how it appears to the outside observer…..
PREACH ON BROTHA!
Imma say this real quick. I don't think there's anything wrong with a LOOSE timeline. Nothing set in stone. But as I am a young lady working towards her Master's degree, want to accomplish somethings career wise before i'm trying to walk down the isle, I still must keep in mind that I want a relationship that runs parallel to where i'm at in life, and where i'm going. Basically–I'm thinking I want to be married in my late 20's because I know that I will be where I want to be with school finished and work begun. That's when I also feel like I'll be ready to commit to someone (cuz imma have my isht together so I can share myself wholly with someone else). I'm not tryna be nobodies play thing or sports fish (shout out to Steve Harvey!) not when i'm that old thank you. So I don't think there is anything wrong with establishing what I want out of life/a relationship and within a certain time frame. NO i'm not going to live with you for 10yrs before you decide to put a ring on it. I know that's for some people but not for me.
That's respectable and understandable. Also assuming that if you're in a REAL relationship you won't be someone's play thing because you have layed down standards and requirements to him indicating that that's not who you are (double Shout out to Steve Harvey) and you will keep it movin' cuz u gots no time for fake one's
*High-five* That's what i'm talking about! If anyone has read that book and can get with what he has to say about standards and requirements…then you might agree with me that there's nothing wrong with asserting what you want.
I'm still not saying this man is on a timeline though. I'd like to call it a timeFRAME haha. Deez eggs aren't staying fresh forever #i'mjustsayin
I am not sure if a timeline appllies to many women who are just out of college/trying to get their money right.
I do understand older women (READ: settled – stable job, house/living situation, etc. possbily in late 20s early 30s) being wise about their expectations for a relationship. At that age, when you are looking to settle down/ start a family you don't want to be playing games for 5-7yrs trying to 'discern' whether you and your man are on the same page as far as marriage.
It's important that grown folks have these discussion at the onstart of the relationship as to whether they are marriage-minded. Otherwise why waste your time when you are fundamentally mismatched in your goals?
Let's be honest, if you're handling your grown-man business you really won't have to worry about pressure from a woman's time-frame.
@ before you got holes poked in your rubbers and wedding magazines sprawled about.
Why we got to be looked at as crazy because we want to spend the rest of our lives with you?
Wasting the pots time does not a good marriage make
lol
Everyone has their own brick wall
we 5 years in
we share dwellings, bills,
I cook your food
I wash your clothes
5 years in We now share a child
5 years in And all you can keep telling me is I love you and I dont want to loose you
I tell you I want more
Ok, so, Im done and make a decision that is very hard to leave Im just no longer happy And here you come with a ring
I dont even want ya ass If I have to leave you to get a ring
So I really been carrying you?
Daaaaaamn!
My advice ladies, If you find love and want marriage Put it out there And yes start the clock Before you find yourself Playing house for 3 to 8 years Just like you did with ken and barbie
that bish never got a ring either
Its a freaking ring Not an std and if some of you men would follow your heart instead of your fears We would have some strong black families
@ A lot of men are hesitant to get married because they don’t want to be a victim of the courts
I just had this argument over the phone
its not about protecting your things if it all comes to a crashing hault
its not about a prenup in the event of a demise of the union
its not about how it looks to people how big the ring is or if there is even one
its about an acknowlegement of our union before God
simple
if marriage is not for you then dont date women who want to marry
Laurinsofia: "simple
if marriage is not for you then dont date women who want to marry"
We are in 100% agreement on this.
"its about an acknowlegement of our union before God"
Which is why I never understood why non-religious men would get married, outside of external pressure to do so (from the fiance, family, community, etc). Are they just that devoted to the state and want to make a commitment to the government? I guess there is the insurance/taxes/financial part of it, but still.
It's not just about God's acknowledgement…even the Bible talks about acknowledgement by man (and the families of the two parties). People get married not just because they are religious but to formally and legally express their commitment.
Co-sign!
..but, that is too simple a logic for a man.."Just don't date women who want to get married"…thats too much like the right thing to do…never that. lol.
To all who checked out the post and shared their opinion with the world, I thank you………definitely feeling the discussions taking place on this blog. I hope to be bringing you guys more view points from the mind of in the future. Hope everyone has a good weekend…..I'm out
I've been at the Constant Comparisons phase before. Not fun. It makes you feel less like a part of a adult relationship, and more like an objective. I actually got pissed off and told my ex "Fuck your friends! I don't care about what they're doing!" Things were already going downhill, but this was the coup de grace to our love affair.
Ladies, as much as we men like our XBox 360s, we don't want to feel like Achievements. A relationship isn't supposed to be a race to the finish line. It doesn't matter when Tina, Lisa, Becky, Carmen, Sung Yi, and Shaquetha are getting that ring. Worry about you and yours.
I have no timetable. Like they say God is laughing at the plans that we are making.
Peace, Love and Chocolate