Ay dios mio...

There used to be a time when people just didn’t mix.  There used to be a time when every Latin person in America was called, “Mexican.”  If you grew up in NYC, you know that this used to lead to mad fights because the Puerto Ricans been here since West Side Story.  But Black folks just called everyone, “Mexican.”  My great aunt still does.  Aside, isn’t it funny that someone will be like, “I’m 100% Puerto Rican” but be from the Bronx?  I just think that’s SO FUNNY.  Sorry, #whoaputthatknifeaway.  Black folks used to have some ish that they could call their own.  It was probably like one Latino in your neighborhood, maybe one.  Think back in the day, I remember my elementary school and there was one latina, Rena.  (I talk about Rena in my next book, because that’s the first girl I ever had a crush on.  Crazy right?)  Rena was Columbian.  Black people used to have basketball, now Al Horford and Greivis Vasquez are taking that from us.  We used to have football, now Mark Sanchez is here.  (That QB down in Nebraska is the god too.)  We had rap, but Daddy Yankee is the highest selling hip hop artist in the WORLD.  Everybody listens to Daddy Yankee, “A ella le gusta la gasolina … da me mas gasolina!”  And we used to have women, Halle Berry wasn’t pushed out, Eva Mendes and Rosario Dawson just showed the f*ck up, Halle took her ball and went home.  Last but certainly not least, Melyssa Ford and Angel Lola Luv have got to be pissed because Rosa Acosta and Suelyn Medeiros came in with hammers and demanded to be seen.  (And seen they were…)

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It’s like my aunt always said, “Here’s the difference between Black people and Latinos, Black people were brought here, Latinos… we came here.”

Or as George Lopez said, so eloquently, “WE AIN’T GOING NO Wheres!”

Anyway, it’s Hispanic Heritage Month and in true Latin form, they didn’t take a month, they decided to just carve that ish out where they wanted it.  September 15th to October 15th, not September, not October, they made sure to get three paychecks in there.  As the Cali people say, “That’s hella Corona.”  So let’s give them a round of applause.

Now … Black women be pissed than a mug when a Latina walks in the room.  In college, they used to call them, “Mira miras.”  I always used to laugh about this, but as one Black chick said, “They have their salsa and merengue, why don’t they stay the [eff] over there?!”  Because we all know where there’s smoke, there’s fire.  And if you thought white girls walking in a party was a neck breaker, look at all the brothers when Latinas walk in the party.  We’re going to come back to this in a few weeks…

Let’s Talk about music for a second …

We had Jimi Hendrix, they brought Carlos Santana.  Let the record show, you know how we have Boys II Men, shooooot, Aventura gets the party popping.  Try some Aventura at your next house party and see if it don’t change your life.  And don’t forget about that Fat Joe problem we had a few years back.  All you negros gonna try and front like you wasn’t leaning back in the club.   But that’s not the dude … the dude is Daddy Yankee.  Daddy Yankee gets MAD, VERY MAD, SO MANY MAD, CRYING OUT LOUD, CAN I GET ON THE TOUR BUS MAD garden tools and female dogs.  There are so many women who love that dude and he’s married!!!  But anyway, reggaeton tore up the charts, we were in the club doing that same dumb reggaeton dance to Rompe, Gasolina and whatever else they could throw on.

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Let’s Talk about partying for a minute …

Thank God for the Mexicans!  Black people who don’t thank God for the Mexicans have no couth with themselves.  Back in the day, we was perfectly fine to have our Colt 45, O.E., gin and juice, and the ladies had a little Mystic at the BBQ.  A few years later, we was drinking Henny, (Remy as a substitute), and women were throwing back glasses of Moet and wondering why they were pissy drunk.  The whole time this was going on, we were smoking weed.  Someone is going to argue this with me, and I’m not going to argue back for some private reasons, but trust me, over 85% of the drugs entering the United States come through Mexico.  If it wasn’t for the Mexicans we would have no weed.  And no coke to break down, make crack and poison our communities with, (and buy a lot of hot ish like flashy cars, fancy clothes, bottles in clubs, and a Lexus for your baby mama to visit you in JAIL).

But no really, thank God for the Mexicans, answer this question; If you really want to get the club popping what do you take shots of?  PATRON!!!  Patron has changed the game completely.  Patron has ecstasy in it too.  As my e-boo says to me, “Some say the X, makes the sex… spectacular.”

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Let’s talk a little bit about the other stuff …

I don’t want to get into business, politics and relationships too much.  I’m going to talk about relationships later.  As many of you know, last year, I wrote this post: SBM seeks SLF.  But I will also let you know that last weekend was CBC in Washington, DC, however, earlier that week was the Congressional Hispanic Caucus (CHC).  I enjoy going to the events and really seeing their initiatives and goals for Capitol Hill and Latin American citizens; they are definitely making moves.  When I tell you that if you have never seen Eva Mendes or Rosario Dawson in real life you have not lived, trust me.  I know a lot of your readers are in NYC, and so seeing Latin-owned businesses is nothing new, however, in most other places in America you should have noticed by now Latin-owned businesses are popping up EVERYWHERE.  That’s good to see.

All this to say, once again let’s toast … actually no, let’s take shots to Hispanic Heritage Month.