Hey,

I’m new to reading your site but I love the posts so I would like your input on something that I’ve yet to understand. I’ve always heard that the way a man treats his mother is a good indication of how he will treat you. I always assumed that to be true, but men who’ve had dysfunctional and/or nonexistent relationships with their mothers seem like an altogether different breed. Some of these men will treat women completely different than their mothers, ranging from much better to much much worse. How does a man’s relationship (or lack thereof) with his mother really effect his relationships with women?

Does a man’s relationship with his mother reveal how he will treat women?

When I read this question, I thought the answer would be easy. I’m usually hesitant before giving an opinion because I want to consider all the factors before responding. I’ve heard many opinions on this topic throughout the years. I don’t think the answer is as clear-cut as it would seem. As you state above, there are exceptions to the rule. There are many different scenarios where the correlation between a man’s relationship with his mother and  his relationship with his love interest aren’t analogous. I believe that examining a man’s relationship with his mother can give you a benchmark for how he will treat others, but it isn’t the end all be all of his behavioural patterns.

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Observing the relationship between mother and son will show you how a man will treat a woman who holds importance in his life. My relationship with my mother is strong. She helped to shape and mold the man I am today. I respect her, listen to her, accept any and all slander she deals me, and I know when to pick and choose my battles. As the family matriarch, her input on life issues is greatly appreciated. When I think I know it all, she will drop simple yet effective knowledge that opens my eyes and shows me where I need to go. At the same time, she is my mom, and she can press when pressing isn’t required. She can reiterate things to me that I’m clear about a zillion times over, because she wants to make sure she can hit me upside the head with an “I told you so” if I eff up. I love her as a mom, a person, and as family. When I think to my relationships with women, I carry a lot of these acquired principles into them. Ask any man whose ever had a serious relationship with a woman, and he will confirm that the core principles I described above are very important in their dealings with significant others.

My mom would always tell me that a woman would judge HER and me if certain aspects of my life weren’t tight. If I couldn’t make a bed, keep proper hygiene, was disrespectful to women, etc. a woman would side eye my upbringing. I see these bad ass kids who curse out their mothers and treat them like sh*t, and the first thought in my head is “If I had a daughter, I wouldn’t want her dating no parts of THAT dude!”

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I kept these lessons close to heart and made sure that when I dealt with women, that I tried my best to be respectful, because my mom raised me right. At the same time, I’m not one of those freaks that wants a mother figure as my wife. In other words, I don’t want to date my mom! A man’s relationship with his mother will differ from a significant other relationship / casual dating situation. Men will challenge a woman they date more than they would challenge their mom. Men will compromise in different ways with a mom as opposed to another woman. Dating a woman is a partnership. Interactions with your mom can be a partnership, dictatorship, totalitarian, authoritative, or other adjective that illustrates one of Bill Cosby’s famous quotes to Theo Huxtable:

I brought you into this world, and I can take you OUT!

There’s a flip side to this debate as well. I know of dudes who treat their mother like gold and women like dirt. I know of men who had no mother figure in their life who treat women with the utmost respect. That mother-son relationship isn’t the only measurement for how a man will treat a woman, and there are exceptions. Knowledge of a mother and son’s relationship can give you additional insight into how he treats women but will never divulge the entire truth. I wouldn’t use that information as the ultimate factor in how you evaluate a man’s capacity for dealing with women he dates. We are human. We will pick and choose how we treat people. Some people will hold more importance than others. A man may respect you as a woman, but not hold your relationship as lovers in high regard.

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I’m thankful for the life lessons my parents taught me. I also know that their lessons weren’t the only lessons I learned. I learned from family, friends, coworkers, and every relationship I’ve had in my life. A man’s relationship with his mother will give you some insight but not all. See how he treats people in general, from the waiters at a restaurant to the person he respects the most. The more information you have the better. If he shows you who he is, believe him, and act accordingly.

– Streetz